Grandparents killed in wrong-way crash on Hwy. 401 identified
A 60-year-old man and a 55-year-old woman killed in a wrong-way crash on Highway 401 earlier this week have been identified by the Consulate General of India in Toronto.
It may be time to have “the conversation”.
Remember when you thought chatting with your children about the birds and the bees was going to be a tough conversation? I’m here to tell you talking to your parents about funding their retirement takes having the “chat" to a whole new level.
This conversation may in fact be the more difficult conversation for a number of reasons.
Your parents likely grew up in a generation where the belief was ingrained in them that it was in poor taste to ever discuss sex, politics, religion or money. It was considered to be inappropriate to ask someone what their salary was, whether they received a bonus, and how much debt they may be carrying.
And you would certainly never ask your parents if they had enough saved for retirement. The social stigma around money was largely negative. If you have money you shouldn’t brag about it and if you don’t have money you certainly don’t want anyone to know about it. The subject of money was simply taboo.
Yet what do you do if you suspect your parents are struggling financially and are reluctant to ask for your help?
Start with bite-size conversations.
Step 1: Try to be understanding and non-judgmental. This isn’t the time to point fingers or blame. Defence mechanisms will kick in if you talk about how much they travelled, dined out, or how they may have refused to live below their means. It can be just as challenging if a parent was laid off or -- through no fault of their own --became ill and unable to work. The point is, it doesn’t matter why they may not have saved for retirement, what matters is they are struggling. It would be much more beneficial and even healthier to discuss financial goals, financial setbacks and current money habits. If you are considering helping your parents financially, the goal should be to “help" and not exert power.
Step 2: Begin by working through their income statement and offer up alternatives to free up cash flow. By understanding how much money they have coming in and knowing exactly what they are spending their money on will bring to light areas of vulnerability. You won’t know the extent of the assistance your parents need until you know the numbers. This is also a golden opportunity to ensure they are taking advantage of all the government support programs such as the Guaranteed Income Supplement as well as, tax breaks and deductions for seniors. Provincially there are also programs in place that could help low-income families with medical expenses and financial aid to help stay in their homes for longer.
Step 3: When your parents are in a difficult financial situation all potential solutions have to be considered. Those options could include downsizing, exploring the suitability of a reverse mortgage, renting versus owning, or even moving in with one of the children either on a temporary or permanent basis. I have seen cases where children, who can afford to, have bought their parents' home. However, taxes, utilities and maintenance were covered off by the parents. In other cases, children have offered up money on a monthly basis for groceries or paid expenses when there was a shortfall. Each situation is going to be different; however, the extent to which financial aid is provided has to be specific. You don’t want to lecture them about their spending habits while at the same time you can’t be expected to funnel money to them to be spent as they wish. In other words, you don’t want to throw good money after bad money.
Step 4: Set boundaries. How much are you willing to help out financially and how much can you afford to help out? If your parents are in need it could be a delicate conversation with your partner or spouse so being open, honest and transparent will be key.
Step 5: Now is the time for your parents to establish new financial goals. Try to broker your parents into the conversation. Ask what is going well and where they feel they need some help? Be kind. Asking you for help is likely far more difficult than you realized. Some have found it beneficial to bring in a mediator to help facilitate the process.
And what if your parents are struggling but you can’t afford to help or simply don’t feel that it’s your responsibility?
Help doesn’t only mean financial aid. You can help your parents by being empathic, help them to problem solve or even point them in the direction of financial or insolvency experts.
Not everyone in the family can afford to assist financially. Some siblings may elect to contribute more while others may opt to help out with physical chores. It is about having an open conversation and family members helping to the extent that they can in the areas they can. The reality is it still may not be enough.
If your parents haven’t saved at all and the family simply can’t help sadly it will be a day of reckoning for your parents who will have to rely on government benefits, a downsizing of lifestyle and compromises they likely didn’t plan on. Some will consider taking in a roommate, selling their home, work part-time and many – if their health supports it -- may never retire in order to maintain some sort of income stream.
No one likes to see a family member struggle financially when you know you could help. However, the onus isn’t just on you. Your parents have to get to the point where they too take ownership of their situation. There is only so much you can and should do. This situation likely didn’t happen overnight and it is unlikely it will get resolved overnight. Patience will be key.
A 60-year-old man and a 55-year-old woman killed in a wrong-way crash on Highway 401 earlier this week have been identified by the Consulate General of India in Toronto.
Three people have been arrested and charged in the killing of B.C. Sikh activist Hardeep Singh Nijjar – as authorities continue investigating potential connections to the Indian government.
Pius Suter scored with 1:39 left and the Vancouver Canucks advanced to the second round of the NHL playoffs with a 1-0 victory over the Nashville Predators on Friday night in Game 6.
TD Bank Group could be hit with more severe penalties than previously expected, says a banking analyst after a report that the investigation it faces in the U.S. is tied to laundering illicit fentanyl profits.
A Quebec man who pleaded guilty to threatening Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and Premier François Legault has been sentenced to 20 months in jail.
RCMP say human remains found in a rural area in central Saskatchewan may have been there for a decade or more.
A source close to singer Britney Spears tells CNN that the pop star is 'home and safe' after she had a 'major fight' with her boyfriend on Wednesday night at the Chateau Marmont in West Hollywood.
As Wegovy becomes available to Canadians starting Monday, a medical expert is cautioning patients wanting to use the drug to lose weight that no medication is a ''magic bullet,' and the new medication is meant particularly for people who meet certain criteria related to obesity and weight.
Drew Carey took over as host of 'The Price Is Right' and hopes he’s there for life. 'I'm not going anywhere,' he told 'Entertainment Tonight' of the job he took over from longtime host Bob Barker in 2007.
Alberta Ballet's double-bill production of 'Der Wolf' and 'The Rite of Spring' marks not only its final show of the season, but the last production for twin sisters Alexandra and Jennifer Gibson.
A British Columbia mayor has been censured by city council – stripping him of his travel and lobbying budgets and removing him from city committees – for allegedly distributing a book that questions the history of Indigenous residential schools in Canada.
Three men in Quebec from the same family have fathered more than 600 children.
A group of SaskPower workers recently received special recognition at the legislature – for their efforts in repairing one of Saskatchewan's largest power plants after it was knocked offline for months following a serious flood last summer.
A police officer on Montreal's South Shore anonymously donated a kidney that wound up drastically changing the life of a schoolteacher living on dialysis.
Since 1932, Montreal's Henri Henri has been filled to the brim with every possible kind of hat, from newsboy caps to feathered fedoras.
Police in Oak Bay, B.C., had to close a stretch of road Sunday to help an elephant seal named Emerson get safely back into the water.
Out of more than 9,000 entries from over 2,000 breweries in 50 countries, a handful of B.C. brews landed on the podium at the World Beer Cup this week.
Raneem, 10, lives with a neurological condition and liver disease and needs Cholbam, a medication, for a longer and healthier life.