Woolwich man seeks part-time wife to replace one who 'ran off'

John Schultz and his teenage sons stand around a washing machine in their home on Thursday, Jan. 21, 2016. Schultz has posted a tongue-in-cheek ad on Kijiji looking for a 'part-time wife'. (Abigail Bimman / CTV Kitchener)

Here’s the story of a man named Schultz, who is busy with three boys of his own.

They are four men living all together, yet they are all alone.

‘Til the one day when Mr. Schultz had an idea. He knew that it was much more than a hope.

So he placed an ad on Kijiji – an ad searching for somebody with some soap.

That may be a little simplified, but it’s not far off from the situation John Schultz finds himself in.

Schultz, who lives near Maryhill with his three teenage sons, says his wife “ran off and is not expected to return anytime soon.”

Kijiji might seem like an unusual place to turn for a replacement – particularly a part-time one, as his ad states he’s only allotting about 10 hours a week for the position – but then, that’s probably why he posted it in the online classified site’s section for cleaners and cleaning services.

“She left behind strange equipment that we do not understand how to operate (vacuum, dish washer, washing machine),” the ad reads, in reference to Schultz’s “previous wife.”

In the ad, Schultz says a successful applicant for the position would be expected to do things like clean the house, handle the laundry, and look after “beating and scolding of children and dog as well as other wifely duties.”

Due to the rural location of his house, any prospective wife would have to arrange their own transportation (“Lots of horse parking available," the posting notes).

While they won’t be expected to drive the sons to school or to sports practices, the ad says “it would be nice” if that could be part of the deal.

The ad also lists a series of other qualities that, while not required, would make someone a stronger candidate for the job – including a “scary German or Russian accent, real or otherwise,” and a “cool superhero outfit.”

The position would be well-suited for a student or an “actual wife,” the posting reads.

In an interview with CTV News, Schultz said that while many of the details in the ad aren’t meant to be taken seriously, his desire for someone to help out with cleaning and cooking – and not much else – is real.

He said the posting stemmed from two years of being a single dad, raising three children, surviving on “man food” and feeling eternally behind on household chores.

“The perfect candidate would have to be very brave (and) put up with a lot,” he said.

Schultz said he’s already received hundreds of responses to the ad, including one person who promised to wear a Wonder Woman costume and another woman who was impressive enough to earn an interview.

He’s also received feedback from his girlfriend, who he says isn’t all that thrilled about the posting.