'Most of the city is evacuating': Gridlock on Alberta highway after evacuation order in Fort McMurray
Four Fort McMurray neighbourhoods were ordered to evacuate on Tuesday as a wildfire gets closer to the city.
It may be time to have “the conversation”.
Remember when you thought chatting with your children about the birds and the bees was going to be a tough conversation? I’m here to tell you talking to your parents about funding their retirement takes having the “chat" to a whole new level.
This conversation may in fact be the more difficult conversation for a number of reasons.
Your parents likely grew up in a generation where the belief was ingrained in them that it was in poor taste to ever discuss sex, politics, religion or money. It was considered to be inappropriate to ask someone what their salary was, whether they received a bonus, and how much debt they may be carrying.
And you would certainly never ask your parents if they had enough saved for retirement. The social stigma around money was largely negative. If you have money you shouldn’t brag about it and if you don’t have money you certainly don’t want anyone to know about it. The subject of money was simply taboo.
Yet what do you do if you suspect your parents are struggling financially and are reluctant to ask for your help?
Start with bite-size conversations.
Step 1: Try to be understanding and non-judgmental. This isn’t the time to point fingers or blame. Defence mechanisms will kick in if you talk about how much they travelled, dined out, or how they may have refused to live below their means. It can be just as challenging if a parent was laid off or -- through no fault of their own --became ill and unable to work. The point is, it doesn’t matter why they may not have saved for retirement, what matters is they are struggling. It would be much more beneficial and even healthier to discuss financial goals, financial setbacks and current money habits. If you are considering helping your parents financially, the goal should be to “help" and not exert power.
Step 2: Begin by working through their income statement and offer up alternatives to free up cash flow. By understanding how much money they have coming in and knowing exactly what they are spending their money on will bring to light areas of vulnerability. You won’t know the extent of the assistance your parents need until you know the numbers. This is also a golden opportunity to ensure they are taking advantage of all the government support programs such as the Guaranteed Income Supplement as well as, tax breaks and deductions for seniors. Provincially there are also programs in place that could help low-income families with medical expenses and financial aid to help stay in their homes for longer.
Step 3: When your parents are in a difficult financial situation all potential solutions have to be considered. Those options could include downsizing, exploring the suitability of a reverse mortgage, renting versus owning, or even moving in with one of the children either on a temporary or permanent basis. I have seen cases where children, who can afford to, have bought their parents' home. However, taxes, utilities and maintenance were covered off by the parents. In other cases, children have offered up money on a monthly basis for groceries or paid expenses when there was a shortfall. Each situation is going to be different; however, the extent to which financial aid is provided has to be specific. You don’t want to lecture them about their spending habits while at the same time you can’t be expected to funnel money to them to be spent as they wish. In other words, you don’t want to throw good money after bad money.
Step 4: Set boundaries. How much are you willing to help out financially and how much can you afford to help out? If your parents are in need it could be a delicate conversation with your partner or spouse so being open, honest and transparent will be key.
Step 5: Now is the time for your parents to establish new financial goals. Try to broker your parents into the conversation. Ask what is going well and where they feel they need some help? Be kind. Asking you for help is likely far more difficult than you realized. Some have found it beneficial to bring in a mediator to help facilitate the process.
And what if your parents are struggling but you can’t afford to help or simply don’t feel that it’s your responsibility?
Help doesn’t only mean financial aid. You can help your parents by being empathic, help them to problem solve or even point them in the direction of financial or insolvency experts.
Not everyone in the family can afford to assist financially. Some siblings may elect to contribute more while others may opt to help out with physical chores. It is about having an open conversation and family members helping to the extent that they can in the areas they can. The reality is it still may not be enough.
If your parents haven’t saved at all and the family simply can’t help sadly it will be a day of reckoning for your parents who will have to rely on government benefits, a downsizing of lifestyle and compromises they likely didn’t plan on. Some will consider taking in a roommate, selling their home, work part-time and many – if their health supports it -- may never retire in order to maintain some sort of income stream.
No one likes to see a family member struggle financially when you know you could help. However, the onus isn’t just on you. Your parents have to get to the point where they too take ownership of their situation. There is only so much you can and should do. This situation likely didn’t happen overnight and it is unlikely it will get resolved overnight. Patience will be key.
Four Fort McMurray neighbourhoods were ordered to evacuate on Tuesday as a wildfire gets closer to the city.
Saskatchewan RCMP have revealed that a historic sexual assault investigation has led to the discovery of alleged crimes against children dating back to 2005.
Less than a week after two public sculptures featuring a livestream between Dublin, Ireland, and New York City debuted, 'inappropriate behaviour' in real-time interactions between people in the two cities has prompted a temporary shutdown.
The Edmonton Oilers will start Calvin Pickard in net Tuesday for Game 4 of their playoff series with the Vancouver Canucks.
Kansas City Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker railed against Pride month, working women, President Biden's leadership during the COVID-19 pandemic and abortion during a commencement address at Benedictine College last weekend.
King Charles III has unveiled the first portrait of the monarch completed since he assumed the throne, a vivid image that depicts him in the bright red uniform of the Welsh Guards against a background of similar hues.
The annual list of Canada's top restaurants in the country was just released and here are the places that made the 2024 cut.
The province has released more information on its plan to break up Alberta Health Services and replace it with four sector-based health agencies.
The Biden administration has told key lawmakers it is sending a new package of more than US$1 billion in arms and ammunition to Israel, two congressional aides said Tuesday.
A team is ready to help an entangled North Atlantic right whale in the Gulf of St. Lawrence.
A $200 reward is being offered by a North Vancouver family for the safe return of their beloved chicken, Snowflake.
Two daughters and a mother were reunited online 40 years later thanks to a DNA kit and a Zoom connection despite living on three separate continents and speaking different languages.
Mother's Day can be a difficult occasion for those who have lost or are estranged from their mom.
YES Theatre Young Company opened its acclaimed kids’ show, One Small Step, at Sudbury Theatre Centre on Saturday.
An Ottawa pizzeria is being recognized as one of the top 20 deep-dish pizzas in the world.
A family of fifth generation farmers from Ituna, Sask. are trying to find answers after discovering several strange objects lying on their land.
A Listowel, Ont. man, drafted by the Hamilton Tigercats last week, is also getting looks from the NFL, despite only playing 27 games of football in his life.
The threat of zebra mussels has prompted the federal government to temporarily ban watercraft from a Manitoba lake popular with tourists.