Your kid is spending too much time on their phone. Here's what to do about it

A young girl is seen using a phone in this undated file image. (Ron Lach via Pexels)

Wondering what your teen is up to when you’re not around? They are likely on YouTube, TikTok, Instagram or Snapchat, according to a new report.

The Pew Research Center survey, released Dec. 12, found that almost half of 13- to 17-year-olds are online almost all the time. The number is about the same as it has been over the past two years — and, of course, it’s way too much.

Nine in 10 teens say they use YouTube, while about six in 10 teens say they use TikTok and Instagram, and 55 per cent use Snapchat, according to the survey. Some 32 per cent use Facebook, while 23 per cent use WhatsApp.

Regardless of the platform, if kids are always online, they don’t have enough time to do other important things, experts said. And what they are doing on social media could be bad for their physical or mental health.

As many teens head into a break for the December holidays, they may be spending even more time online. Here’s what to do about it.

How much time should kids be allowed online? It depends

There isn’t a simple answer to how much time kids should spend on social media. That’s because a lot depends on what they are doing on these apps.

“Kids who follow feeds for 5 hours a day to read about current events and direct message their friends are surely at much less risk than a child online for even 10 minutes who is served up content on how to cut themselves and hide it from their parents,” said Dr. Mitch Prinstein, chief of psychology at the American Psychological Association.

To figure out how much time is appropriate for their kids, parents should consider what their teens are doing on these platforms, said Melissa Greenberg, a clinical psychologist at Princeton Psychotherapy Center in New Jersey. To learn more, ask how they feel when they use social media.

“Are they compulsively checking to see how others are responding (to their posts), how many likes or comments they’re getting? Is this contributing to feeling negatively about themselves?” Greenberg suggested asking. Also, “is your teen doomscrolling, comparing themselves to others?”

It’s also important, Greenberg said, to ask whether teens are part of healthy online groups.

“Teens who identify as LGBTQ+ who don’t have a community at school may find a community online where they meaningfully identify and connect with others, and this can really boost self-esteem and a sense of belonging,” she said.

“I’ve also worked with teens who connect on social media with other fans of a certain musician, or a book series, and that can help them feel like part of a community.”

Based on these answers, parents can help set appropriate time limits with their kids.

This is an important life skill to teach. “If a parent includes their teens in this conversation, it will provide scaffolding for how the teen can approach a range of behaviors in the future — not only social media, but things like TV, and even substance use,” Greenberg said.

One teen with whom Greenberg worked decided on a time limit of an hour per day on social media after realizing they were using it in a healthy way to connect with members of the LGBTQ+ community but needed to reduce the amount of time they spent scrolling and comparing themself with other people.

What else could we be doing with this time?

When I speak to parents in schools about how to handle their kids’ social media use, I advise them to make sure their kids get enough sleep and physical activity, learn to concentrate on things like homework by putting their phones away and have phone-free interactions with family and friends.

“The single biggest concern is likely the time it is taking away from other necessary activities,” Prinstein said.

Sleep “is not only critical for our attention, emotions and safety the next day, but also a major factor that affects how large our brain grows and how effectively it reorganizes in our teenage years.”

He recommended ensuring teens are off their phones by 9 p.m. on weeknights.

Getting kids involved in sports or other extracurricular activities can ensure they get exercise and spend time away from their phones. After all, it’s tough for teens to check Instagram when they are shooting hoops or defending a base.

Teens also need to learn how to concentrate and be present in their surroundings. As I often say, the human brain can’t multitask. So if kids are on TikTok while they are doing their homework or other tasks, they can’t fully focus on their work.

Kids also need plenty of opportunities to play and nurture offline friendships.

“Adolescence is a period when we learn relationship skills that are used for the rest of our lives in our professional and workplace relationships,” Prinstein said.

“Time spent on social media may take kids away from some of these learning opportunities, not only because kids spend so much time online, but also because online interactions lack most of the verbal and nonverbal cues, nuance and sophistication within our relationships.”

That means encouraging teens to get together with friends and put their phones away while they are hanging out. It’s also a good idea to carve out family time when everyone unplugs — whether over a meal, playing a game or going for a walk.

Of course, parents should resist the urge to check their own phones at such times, which Prinstein says parents do.

“Our kids will want to spend a lot of time on social media if they think we are doing the same,” Prinstein said. “So, a first step may be to have the whole family create a phone-free zone in the schedule.”

Many teens are spending way too much of their lives online. But parents can help by getting curious about what kids are doing online and helping them figure out how much time will also allow them to meet their other needs. With so many kids spending almost all their waking hours online, it’s a good time to have these conversations.