Skip the grocery store flowers wrapped in plastic. Valentine’s Day advice is here

Making a little extra effort, like wrapping a gift or presenting flowers well, can make a difference. (nortonrsx/iStockphoto/Getty Images via CNN Newsource)

One of the best gifts Alyse Dermer, founder of luxury gift concierge service Mr. Considerate, ever got was a bracelet from early in her relationship with her husband.

They were on a trip together and stopped in a little store. She admired the jewelry, found a bracelet she loved and tried it on before putting it back in the case and moving along. Didn’t she want to buy it? No, she needed to be practical, she told him.

Weeks later, he was back at the shop, working with the clerk to figure out which one she had liked so much and get it for her.

What made that gift so special wasn’t the price tag or even how excited she was to get to wear it, Dermer said. It was that he cared enough to remember that she had liked it so much and went to all the trouble to find it again for her.

With Valentine’s Day coming up, Dermer is now busy helping her clients –– largely men in relationships with women –– scramble to find a gift for the occasion. And yes, being a thoughtful gift giver takes time and effort, but it isn’t impossible, she said.

She and other experts have guidance to help shake the myths that may keep you thinking that you can’t pick a good gift and make your partner feel loved this holiday.

“The perfect gift says, ‘I hear you, I see you, I appreciate you,’” Dermer said.

Instead of the ‘It Girl’ purse, a bag that solves a problem

A brand-name, luxury item, such as a popular designer bag, isn’t always the slam dunk that people think it will be, Dermer said.

She recommends a gift that shows you have been paying attention, and that takes time to pick. Before ever shopping, Dermer recommends her clients first prioritize observing their partner.

What stage of life are they in? Expensive lingerie for a mom who is three weeks postpartum is probably going to feel like you aren’t reading the room, she said. Are there things they use every day that could use an upgrade? Is there a problem you can solve for them?

Let’s say you think about the year ahead and realize you and your wife are going to seven weddings. Dermer might recommend buying an evening clutch that could make her feel extra special at all those events. Another client might have a partner who commutes to work and complains that her bag is too heavy, so he finds a lovely replacement that is light with good support, she said.

The key is finding something that your special someone can use regularly and might not have bought for themselves, and that shows that you are paying attention to their wants and needs, Dermer said.

That exercise isn’t as easy as picking up some flowers on the way home. Thoughtfulness like this means starting as early as you can and maybe even keeping a regular note about things you have heard them mentioning that they admire or need, she added.

Instead of a toaster, a scarf

There is a careful line, however, between solving a problem and going too practical.

While a gift your loved one can use regularly is often greatly appreciated, a toaster may fall flat, said Dr. Julian Givi, associate professor of marketing at John Chambers College of Business Economics at West Virginia University. His research focuses on consumer behavior in the context of gift giving.

This holiday is about a little luxury and pampering, which doesn’t have to be expensive, Dermer said.

Many people think that the amount they spend on a gift is directly associated with how much the receiver will appreciate it. But as long as it meets reasonable expectations, the people you are gifting are unlikely to care too much about how you spend, said Dr. Evan Polman, professor of marketing at Wisconsin School of Business at University of Wisconsin, Madison. He also focuses on gift-giving decision-making.

For something useful and special, try thinking about upgrades your partner could use that they might not have bought themselves. In a particularly cold winter for many, maybe that’s a cashmere scarf. A nice set of pajamas, for another example, is something most people could use and would enjoy, Dermer added.

To make it feel a little extra special, you can look for something in a festive color, she said.

Instead of jewelry, concert tickets

When it comes to gifts, people tend to prefer to give material things, but people enjoy experiences much longer, Givi said.

As exciting as a new jewelry piece can be, consider putting some of that money toward tickets to see your partner’s favorite band or to take him or her to a couple’s massage, he said.

The goal of gift giving should be relationship maintenance, especially on a holiday so focused on love, and gifting an activity or experience you and your loved one can do together is a great way to spend quality time together while communicating your level of care, Polman said.

Even if you do want to buy your significant other a gift they can unwrap, you can make it even more special by pairing it with an experience, Polman said. Matching aprons can go with a cooking class you take together, warm gloves could allude to an upcoming winter hike or a nice bottle of wine could pair with a picnic for two.

“That’s a good gift because it creates memories,” Polman said.

Instead of grocery store roses, a card

Every year, Givi said he sees a group of desperate men picking through the cobwebs of grocery or drugstore shelves to find what remains of the traditional gifts the day before Valentine’s Day.

There is nothing wrong with the classics, like roses, chocolates or a teddy bear. But if you want your gift to send a message of care, you should be careful to avoid sending a message that you are just checking the boxes with the expected accessories, Givi said.

Presentation can make a difference, Polman said.

Take the plastic wrap off the flowers from the store. If you are really feeling adventurous, put them in a vase, Dermer said. Yes, a box of chocolates is great, but it can be elevated by filling a jar of chocolate candies wrapped in pink and red foil, she said.

If you really want to make a big impact, get a card, sit down and write something with a little bit of heart in it, she added.

“Sometimes signaling you care about them is going with something super thoughtful. Sometimes it’s going with something expensive for a person who can’t afford it. Sometimes you can use your words to do it,” Givi said.

It’s not too early to plan for 2027

If your present doesn’t go over well, open your notes app and start paying attention to what your partner says when you’re not asking them what they want. If you look and listen, they will drop clues (on purpose and by accident) about what could work next year.

By Madeline Holcombe, CNN