Planning a ‘good death’: Certified death doula on setting up your family for success once you’re gone

Death is something you need to think about to set your family up for success when you're gone. Certified death doula Adrianna Prosser explains how you can plan.

Are you prepared to die? It’s a tough question and it might make you squirm, but death is something you need to think about to set your family up for success once you’re gone. Certified death doula Adrianna Prosser joined CTV Your Morning Edmonton’s Kent Morrison on the process of planning a “good death.”

This transcript has been edited for length and clarity.

Kent Morrison: Can you first explain what a death doula does?

Adrianna Prosser: It’s non-medical care and I like to explain it like I’m your professional big sister that has a warm heart and an extra set of hands and knows a little bit about death and dying.

Kent: What do you see families struggle with when a loved one’s affairs are not in order before they die?

Adrianna: November is “Make a Will Month” because over half of us in Canada do not have a will and that leaves all of the stress of the bureaucratic part of death on our bereaved, loved ones. When we are outside of a crisis, outside of that terminal diagnosis, we need to take the time to sit with our family and our friends and have these hard conversations when we’re not feeling the weight of grief upon us.

Kent: What’s your advice to navigate those conversations? Because it’s tricky to bring up and execute.

Adrianna: Taking things like November being “Make a Will Month,” or today is “Grief and Bereavement Day.” These are great ways to drop into a conversation. I’m a death doula, so for me, I might find things under the Christmas tree like a will kit or I’m going to drop into conversations about funeral concierge services that help you with your will, your funeral planning, your insurance and your digital legacy with companies like everassist.ca.

Or you might try Death Deck, which is actually a board game that helps you have these conversations. It’s in a nice, little, tiny box where it gives you prompts and it can be fun. As a death doula, I think we can have these conversations with a little bit of warmth and it will help us have these harder conversations with friends and family.

Kent: Is there a specific time in life when you should start planning for death?

Adrianna: As soon as you’re a citizen of 16, you should have a will. But again, any time out of a crisis because I like to take the zeros and growing old is a privilege. Every time I hit a zero like 10, 20, 30, 40-years-old, I like to look at my will and do a little assessment: “Do I still know those people? Have they themselves passed on?” I do a reflection and just make sure that my family is not going to have to worry about those things, so that they have the time and space to grieve my loss instead of the frustration of the bureaucratic part of dying.

Kent: Is there a list of top three things people should consider right now in regards to death?

Adrianna: Not being afraid of saying the wrong thing because we all get up in our heads and hearts about it. Just starting those conversations is so important. Doing a search for the funeral companies that are around you. Which ones do you align with? Check out things like the Death Deck and everassist.ca. See if they are things that can help you in your toolbox. And as well, reward yourself, give yourself a treat because this is some hard stuff.