Relationships and money can be an explosive mix, especially if you have different money mindsets. How you think about money, spend money and even invest money all have the potential to create tension and misalignment if the challenges are not addressed.
It is one thing to have a partner who is completely unstable with money and disregards budgets, spends as if there is no tomorrow and refuses to get on board with financial goals. It can be compounded when one wants a lavish lifestyle yet doesn’t work, doesn’t prioritize paying bills on time and simply refuses to talk about money.
I believe if you are in a relationship you are in it both emotionally and financially. This doesn’t mean you need to co-mingle your assets. Many do but, in today’s environment, many don’t. It isn’t right or wrong, it is what works for you.
However, during the pandemic there has been a noticeable rise in "do-it-yourself investing.” In other words, there is now a new twist in household money alignment. One likes to invest or even speculate in the markets while the other is very cautious and avoids investing at all cost. This could result in a new financial landmine that needs to be navigated carefully.
Here are five ways to get financially aligned:
1. Set up a time to discuss your feelings towards risk and investing in the market. Avoid blame and listen carefully. Having a different tolerance for risk is completely natural. The question often comes down to not only how much can you afford to lose but how much are you willing to lose? This may mean having separate accounts for investment purposes with agreed-upon limits. Many have decided to use TFSAs for differing investment strategies and that can work. The key is to avoid blame and focus more on your shared goals.
2. Be honest about your investments. What you are invested in and why? Share your research and look for common ground. Have the emotional intelligence to sell underperforming investments and recognize there can be an opportunity cost in holding on for too long. Set limits that are agreed upon to avoid large financial swings -- in other words, what will trigger a sale of an investment. Recognizing it could be a stock that goes both up and down.
3. Broker your partner into your strategy. Never fall in love with your investments. It is imperative that while you may not agree entirely on the strategy to grow your portfolio, it doesn’t mean you simply abdicate responsibility for your financial future entirely. You both are invested in your financial life so develop your plans together and get excited about your goals. The key word is balance with a dose of compromise by both.
4. Don’t ignore the big picture. Know how much you are worth. It helps to work together to free up money for investing. If you owe more than you own, aggressively betting on the market isn’t likely the best way to build your nest egg or get out of debt. You may have to confront your household’s financial facts together and that may mean agreeing together the best way to get ahead financially is to pay down debt today and start investing tomorrow.
5. Timing the market can be a mug’s game. Even the pros have a tough time getting it right. Going into the market and coming out of market can challenge even the best. There is a big difference in buying good quality investments and having a long-term investor mindset verses a short-term speculator.
Regardless of your tolerance for risk, it often comes down to having open, honest and transparent conversations around money. You may agree to disagree but you do need to find common ground. Numerous studies have shown couples who grow their money together have more saved for retirement and live on less than what a single person would for a similar lifestyle.
Bottom line: don’t let your tolerance for risk around investing become a relationship deal breaker, staying together is the best financial decision you will make.
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