How to speak to your children about tragedy after shootings in B.C., Quebec communities

Playing null of undefined

Talking to your kids about tragedy

Talking to kids about difficult news stories

Parents and caregivers are being encouraged to be aware of how you speak with children about the deadly school shooting in Tumbler Ridge, B.C. and the suspected murder-suicide in Quebec’s Kitigan Zibi community.

Nine people are dead, including the suspect, and approximately 25 injured after a shooting in the northeastern B.C. community, including six people found dead at a secondary school. The Sûreté du Québec said a father and his two children are dead in a suspected murder-suicide in Kitigan Zibi on Wednesday.

The news this week may be difficult for children and youth to understand. CTV News Ottawa and CTV Your Morning Ottawa spoke with Ottawa registered psychotherapist Benslyne Avril and Dr. Richard Bolduc, the mental health and well-being lead at the Ottawa Catholic School Board, about how to speak with your children about the news.

How do you approach the conversation with children?

Dr. Bolduc told CTV News at Six with Patricia Boal that the conversation should depend on the child’s age and to make sure you address it at the child’s level.

“Think of it as there’s a right time and a right place in order to speak with a child with regards to what they’re experiencing,” Bolduc said.

“So, you want to keep that information as carefully limited as possible and think about children’s minds are not mixing those feelings the same way adults do. You certainly want to make sure that they can understand what’s given to them or what they’re seeing but also limiting it at certain points and knowing not to put things in repeat loops for children.”

Avril recommends assessing how you feel as a parent before discussing the events with your children.

“Taking the time to reflect on, ‘OK, based on what I am feeling right now, am I angry? Am I feeling overwhelmed? Am I feeling hopeless with the situation?’ Avril told CTV’s Your Morning Ottawa on Thursday.

“Then thinking about when you want to address it with your kids, reflecting on what is the main objective of the message you want to send to them. Is it because they’ve asked questions and you want to reassume them and provide them with more support.”

Avril says when you have the conversation with your children, it’s important to be “aware of what exactly do you want to tell your kids?”

“What is the end goal that can really help to determine how you approach the conversation.”

Conversation based on age

Avril says the conversation’s tone should depend on a child’s age.

If your child is under the age of 10, Avril notes they may not be aware of what happened in British Columbia or in Kitigan Zibi.

“If they have asked questions, I think for kids for that age below 11, it could be providing them a bit more reassurance because that’s really what they’re looking for,” Avril said.

“At that point, it would be, ‘OK, well remember your school is safe, you’re safe. As adults, we’re here to take care of you. Your teachers know what to do if ever something like that were to happen like that at your school.’ So, really providing that reassurance for them to know that there are caring adults around them.”

Avril said if you have tweens or teens, they may already have seen the news or know what happened.

“The conversation is around a bit of reassurance, but also managing how they are feeling about the news as well,” Avril said.

“There can be worries about this happening to their school, so maybe with them needing a bit of reassurance because of their age and their cognitive capacity, they have the ability to understand a bit more what’s happening. So, paying attention to that and addressing their questions at that point.”

Bolduc says if teachers discuss the recent events in schools, especially in elementary schools, it will be “carefully done so.”

“The importance is that children feel safe, they feel that they’re in an environment that they can express their feelings, and they know that there’s supportive care that’s there and offered by adults,” Bolduc said.

Things to avoid in discussions

Avril recommends parents be aware of how you discuss the incidents and avoid “projecting your anxiety and your fears onto your kids” during discussions.

“Sometimes, we may want to get ahead of the news by telling them what’s happening, but then they may not necessarily need to know all the details of what’s happened,” Avril said.

“So, thinking back to the objective of the conversation. If your primary goal is to provide reassurance, then tailoring the conversation towards that and focusing more on that as well. And also, avoiding maybe sharing graphic details that may not be relevant for them to know at that time or villainizing the person that may have caused the act as well.”

Where can students go at school?

Bolduc says students can speak with their classroom teacher if they have any questions or concerns while at school.

“All parents need to know this…the children can go directly to their teachers and speak with them, as well as the guidance counsellor at the high school level, as well as thinking of the school principal,” Bolduc said.

Safety in schools

Bolduc says the Ottawa Catholic School Board works with the three other school boards in Ottawa and Ottawa police to make sure safety is the main priority for schools.

“There is safety in regard to communications amongst the board; we have protocols, as well, within the communities to deal with this,” Bolduc said.

“Fundamentally, we are always looking at student safety at the beginning and end of the day when they start their day and as they finish their day.”

• Sign up now for daily CTV News Ottawa newsletters
• The information you need to know, sent directly to you: Download the CTV News App