Ariana Grande may have sung, “It’s all about popular!” in Wicked, but, as it turns out, researchers at Concordia University have found that she may not have been completely wrong. Having a well-liked best friend in elementary school can actually elevate a child’s social status. “If you want to predict well-being in adulthood: who’s going to be successful? Who’s going to end up in prison?” said Dr. William Bukowski, a professor with the Department of Psychology at Concordia University. “The best predictor is probably children’s ability to function competently with peers during the school age and adolescent years.” In a recent study, “Social exclusion, but not withdrawal, is diminished by a friend’s level of acceptance: A provisions model,” Bukowski and lead author Melissa Commisso, a clinical psychologist and resident at the Montreal General Hospital, followed 252 Montreal-area students from four elementary schools. The goal was to see how friendships affected two kinds of isolation in children: withdrawal - choosing to be alone out of shyness or self-consciousness - and exclusion - being purposely left out by others. The 5th and 6th grade students were asked to identify who their closest friends were over the course of eight weeks, from September to November. They were also asked to point out any children who they felt fit the descriptions of “withdrawn” or “excluded.” “You can sort of distinguish between two different types of children who are at risk, those that keep themselves out of the group, as well as those who are excluded from the group,” said Bukowski. Social capital The study’s authors followed pairs of best friends to see how their relationships evolved and changed over time, and what that meant for them as individuals, as well as duos and within the larger group. “Friendship is very important during this critical time,” explained Commisso. “Children learn a lot from their friends. They develop their social skills through their friends.” The researchers said they also discovered that, in addition to having a best friend, it was important, socially, for that friend to be “well-liked” by their peers. Why? Simply put, this friend would improve the social standing of the kids in their circle when introduced to the rest of the cohort. “It’s not just having a friend, but it’s the type of friend that a child has that matters,” said Commisso. “In our study, we see that it’s a friend with social capital.” Engaging in good friendships at a young age, the researchers pointed out, has various benefits such as learning about inclusion, trust, popularity and support - plus a lesser chance of being deliberately excluded. The same, however, cannot be said for those who choose to withdraw from interacting with their peers. When the isolation is self-inflicted, the authors explained, having a friend did not encourage a child to open up more to others. Interestingly, an isolated child who befriended someone who is “not well-liked” did not ultimately see their social status change within the wider group. Although the children may benefit from the emotional support provided by the friendship, they were less likely to experience greater inclusion among their peers. Well-liked vs. popular All the same, Bukowski pointed out that “well-liked” did not necessarily mean “popular” (sorry, Ariana). “Popularity refers to status, and acceptance refers to an emotional bond between people,” he tells CTV News. “In our study, we were able to look at the effect of acceptance. That having a friend who is high in acceptance helps these excluded children function.” So, what are parents to do if they are worried about their child’s place within their mini society? “Parents can help their children clarify what kinds of friends they want, and who are the children to whom they want to have this friendship,” said Bukowski. “Some children are probably misguided in their thought that having a popular friend is the good way to go, but it’s probably, as we’ve shown, at least for excluded children, it’s better to be a friend of someone who’s well-liked by others rather than someone who’s necessarily popular. That that may sound like a trite issue, but I think it’s important.” Commisso and Bukowski’s study was published in the journal Child Development.
