How to talk to your kids about Santa Claus

Registered psychologist Tammy Schamuhn discusses how to have a very important conversation this time of the year… talking to kids about Santa Claus.

Many parents are at that point in life where they have to have the delicate conversation about Santa Claus with their kids as they get older. Registered psychologist Tammy Schamuhn joined CTV Your Morning Edmonton’s Kent Morrison on how you can navigate the conversation.

This transcript has been edited for length and clarity.

Kent Morrison: How often are you asked for this advice?

Tammy Schamuhn: A lot around the holidays, we do. As a mom of three kids, I was asked this. My son, who’s nine, recently asked the big question, “Mom, is Santa real?”

Kent: How did you approach it?

Tammy: What I always tell parents is to let your child lead. So I asked him, “What do you think?” Put it back on them. Then my son said “I think he’s real, but some of the kids at my school say he isn’t, some say he is.” And I said, “Well, is that why you’re asking?” He’s like, “I also saw your post on social media about it.” He was reading over my shoulder, so I thought, “Oh crap.”

At this point with kiddos, we might say, “why are you asking?” And if he’s like, “I believe,” and I say, “If you believe he’s real in your heart, then he is real.” But a child might say, “I don’t believe.” In that case, I’ll give you a script to say to your child. If they’re like, “No, I really don’t believe this,” you might say, “Santa Claus was a man who lived many years ago, and he brought joy to many people by helping others. So to honor his memory, moms and dads and many people become Santa Claus to spread joy to other people. Now that you’re old enough, do you want to be Santa Claus? Help be Santa Claus to your younger brother or sister or a senior or someone else.”

That’s something we can give them to help bridge that fantasy into reality. I think parents worry they’re like, “I’m lying to my child. What am I doing? I’m deceiving them.” And I want to say you’re not deceiving them. You are joining them in a shared imagination. That’s a hallmark of childhood. Child development is marked by magical thinking, which is this belief that their thoughts, imagination and beliefs influence reality, essentially. That actually enriches their development and safeguards them in a lot of ways. It helps them feel a sense of control and a world full of uncertainty. It adds a lot of resiliency and it’s this beautiful cultural narrative that spreads joy and imagination and goodness. Just go with it. It’s actually really good for their development.

Kent: This isn’t just a kids thing. Can this really benefit everybody?

Tammy: Yes. At about nine, they do start questioning it and some kids are later. My daughter was almost 11. I was in the second grade when I questioned it at seven. So I think every child’s a little different.

Kent: And it’s going to happen at school. Kids are going to talk about it and you can’t really control that.

Tammy: No, you can’t. Just leave it. Let your child lead. Don’t panic. And if you feel sad about it coming to an end, there’s some grief there. That’s OK to feel that grief.

Kent: As a parent too, there’s emotions tied to it too, right?

Tammy: Yes, that’s where we try to put it back on them being like putting that in their hands to be Santa for someone else in the community. It’s just to pass that cultural narrative on to them to keep the joy alive in your family.