Six years ago Amanda Jette Knox received an email from her 11-year-old with a message that would change her family forever.
“I’m a girl trapped in a boy’s body,” read the email. And with that, the child she had raised as a son became known as a girl named Alexis. A few months later, inspired by their daughter’s courage, her spouse also came out as a transgender woman.
“I was shocked and scared and angry, and I think underneath all of that I was just really afraid,” Knox said during an interview on CTV’s Your Morning.
“I was really worried about our family and where that was going to lead us.”
But, after months of therapy, talking, and what Knox described as a lot of self-care, her family emerged from both transitions stronger than ever.
“I did consider leaving. I thought my marriage was absolutely over. I thought that we wouldn’t survive this—that we weren’t going to be happy,” she said. “It took time, it took talking. But we are stronger than ever.”
Knox has detailed her family’s journey in a bestselling book titled “Love Lives Here: A Story of Thriving in a Transgender Family.” She says the book reinforces the power of “leading with love,” a concept that has been pivotal in her family’s journey.
As Knox, who lives in Ottawa with her wife, two daughters, and two sons, writes on her website, “the names and pronouns have changed, but the love hasn’t.”
“Things have changed but we’re still the same,” Knox said of her family.
“People have a lot of misconceptions about trans people, about LGBTQ+ people in general, and I think that we really need to understand that we are just typical people and families just like everyone else.”’
Although her children struggled with her wife’s transition and adapting to life with two mothers, Knox says her kids always led with love.
For those dealing with a child or family member’s transition, Knox says it’s most important not to question the person’s identity.
“It’s so important to listen and honour who somebody says they are. All of the evidence today suggests that trans children know themselves as well as trans adults,” she explained.
“It’s very important that we don’t question that—that we don’t go, ‘are you sure, is it a phase? I wanted to be a superhero when I was a kid and I don’t want to anymore,’ and that’s what a lot of people base their view of trans kids on.”
Today, Knox has added LGBTQ+ advocate to her job title as her family lives openly. She is also in the process of adopting Alexis’ best friend, Ashley, who has been living with the family since March 2018.
