Fear of disappointment? This is why you should say 'no' more

Saying "yes" to everything can damage a person's life, a psychologist says, explaining the pressure never to disappoint has widespread mental health impacts.

Saying "no" can be difficult because of the desire to be helpful, said Nicole LePera, but it's important to draw boundaries.

LePera, who calls herself the Holistic Psychologist on Instagram, said the fear of disappointing someone comes from childhood.

"These 'good person beliefs' are conditioned beliefs that we learn in our earliest childhood environments," LePera told CTV's Your Morning on Wednesday. "Usually, they have to do with an obsessive worry about making people uncomfortable, a tendency to neglect our own wants and needs, and a general difficulty or outright inability to say no."

The first step in setting boundaries is understanding the need for them, she said, describing this process as "seeing those habitual behaviours in yourself."

"Then you can begin to create limits or boundaries, giving yourself space to honour your own needs."

The fear of disappointment can come in many forms, LePera said. It can show up in work, family relations and social environments.

"At work, a lot of times, we will often say yes to endless hours of overtime," LePera said. "In terms of colleagues, we might be always invited to attend lunch events, attend after-work events and feel really difficult in saying no."

In family relationships, LePera said, how someone presents themselves might change if they fear judgment.

"We might be the sibling that always finds ourselves on call for family issues or are always expected to be at family events when maybe other family members are given the freedom or space to live their life and make their own choices," she said.

 

To hear all of LePera's tips on saying "no," click the video at the top of this article.