The first Walk for Oak is set to take place in Sudbury on Sept. 12. The event is organized by Kristin Pichoskie, who suffered an unimaginable loss three years ago. Pichoskie’s son, Oak, passed away at just four days old on March 29, 2023. “A big thing for me was I wanted to make sure everyone remembered his name -- and everyone didn’t forget him,” she said. “I wanted to create a safe space for families so families don’t feel alone in their grief. Because after losing Oak, I talked to a lot of families and different people, and a lot of the families felt alone in their grief and they didn’t really have anyone to turn to.” That desire led Pichoskie to launch Oak’s Tree of Love, a grassroots initiative that supports families dealing with the loss of an infant or child. Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month She’s lobbying for municipalities to proclaim October as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, including marking Oct. 15 with flag-raisings and monuments lit in blue and pink. “Sudbury will be illuminating the water tower,” she said. “Then we have Mississauga, who will be lighting up in a landmark, as well. We have the CN Tower, we have Niagara Falls and different places all across the province.” Volunteers like Christina Lajeunesse and Mackenzie Mitchell say that having an open, public outlet for this grief is vital. Mitchell lost her son, Bentley, in 2021. “It’s important to me because when we went through it, our only support system was family,” Mitchell said. “And it felt like speaking about it outside, publicly, we felt like we were bringing a burden on people when it shouldn’t feel like that.” Brings a little peace Lajeunesse, Mitchell’s mother, has knitted numerous blankets for the bereavement boxes. “If it brings peace to a family even a little bit,” she said. “I mean, there is not a whole lot of peace in a time like that, but it’s a pretty easy contribution.” Pichoskie’s mother, Colleen, has also volunteered her time to make candles. “Oak was only around for a short period of time,” she said. “But he brought a lot of love into our lives. And by making the candles, I just feel that I’m able to keep his light shining in this world.” The Pregnancy and Infant Loss Network (PAIL), which operates out of Toronto’s Sunnybrook Hospital, estimates that one in four pregnancies end in loss. Michelle La Fontaine, Regional Program Manager for PAIL, experienced a stillbirth and an early pregnancy loss. “What I can tell you from my personal experience is that this is such a stigmatized loss,” La Fontaine said. Saying the wrong thing “Families, especially families who might not have even told people yet about their pregnancy, or perhaps when they do let people know they’ve experienced a loss. The fear of saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing or further upsetting the family actually leads to more isolation.” She added that trying to offer comfort can sometimes have the opposite effect if care isn’t taken with language. “It’s not helpful to start anything by saying ‘at least.’ That really minimizes infant loss,” La Fontaine said. “So, saying to a family, ‘At least you know you can get pregnant’ or, ‘At least you’re young, you can have another baby’ -- those kinds of things are very minimizing. And so we would really encourage people to reach out in a way that doesn’t have any expectation on the bereaved person.” Pichoskie said her advice for anyone going through pregnancy and infancy loss is to find support. “The best thing you can do is just try to keep your head up after losing a child. Try to put your grief into something positive,” she said. “Try and keep your head up. Connect with family. Talk to family. Find support.” The Walk for Oak gets underway at Bell Park at the William Bell Gazebo from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m., with the memorial walk beginning at noon. Pichoskie said everyone is welcome to attend, whether they have experienced a personal loss or want to show up to support a loved one. The afternoon features the memorial walk, community support, live music and a bake sale.
