Following the release of video showing Ray Rice punching his then-fiancee in an elevator, some have questioned why she went on to marry the former Baltimore Ravens' running back. Now, Twitter users are using the hashtag #WhyIStayed to share their deeply personal stories of why they remained in abusive relationships.
The hashtag appeared hours after video surfaced Monday showing Rice punching his then-fiancée Janay Palmer (now Janay Rice) in the face, knocking her unconscious. Rice, who was arrested and had initially been suspended by the Baltimore Ravens for two games, was cut from the NFL indefinitely on Monday.
American author Beverly Gooden said she created the hashtag because she was concerned that, after the release of the video, it seemed some people were only questioning Janay Rice's part in the story. In particular, they wondered why she decided to stay with the ex-NFLer after the assault.
Gooden wrote on her website that, while she couldn't speak on behalf of Janay Rice, she could share her own story about struggling to leave an abusive relationship. Gooden said she remained in a physically abusive relationship with her husband for more than a year before she left.
"Leaving was a process, not an event," she said. "Sometimes it takes a while to navigate through the process."
She then shared the following on Twitter:
All these folks trashing women for staying in abusive situations have NO clue what happens the moment you reach for a door handle.
— Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014
I tried to leave the house once after an abusive episode, and he blocked me. He slept in front of the door that entire night. #WhyIStayed
— Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014
I stayed because my pastor told me that God hates divorce. It didn't cross my mind that God might hate abuse, too. #WhyIStayed
— Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014
He said he would change. He promised it was the last time. I believed him. He lied. #WhyIStayed
— Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014
I had to plan my escape for months before I even had a place to go and money for the bus to get there. #WhyIStayed
— Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014
I stayed because I thought love was enough to conquer all. #WhyIStayed
— Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014
I stayed because I was halfway across the country, isolated from my friends and family. And there was no one to help me. #WhyIStayed
— Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014
You think you know but you have no idea.
— Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014
Gooden's words resonated with others, and soon Twitter users began to share their own personal stories about why they stayed in abusive relationships. The stories show the many challenges victims of abuse face when trying to leave their partners.
I was told marriage is forever. I didn’t want to be a failure #whyistayed
— Jessica Merrell (@jmillermerrell) September 9, 2014
#whyistayed When I disclosed to someone I trusted that I thought the next time I might die they said 'you have made your bed now lie in it'
— Gemma Dunning (@gemmadunning) September 9, 2014
#whyistayed because I "knew" no one else would want me. I was "lucky" that he chose me. I finally left because he almost killed me
— thriftymaven (@thriftymaven) September 9, 2014
I was determined to make it work, wanted kids to have their dad, convinced myself that what he did to me wasn't affecting them #WhyIStayed
— Rachel Miller (@ReIgniteRomance) September 9, 2014
He told me he would take the kids. He used to "joke" about how he could make it so no one would ever find my body. #WhyIStayed
— Rachel Miller (@ReIgniteRomance) September 9, 2014
This wasn't him. This wasn't the man I fell in love with & married. I didn't recognize him any more and thought I could fix him. #WhyIStayed
— Kimi Who (@WhoIsKimi) September 9, 2014
After a while I thought I deserved it, because I "let" it happen for so long. #whyistayed
— Ahna Wyatt Adcox (@AhnaMatea) September 9, 2014
My mom had 3 young kids, a mortgage, and a PT job. My dad had a FT paycheck, our church behind him, and bigger fists. #WhyIStayed
— Ellen G. (@ellen_g) September 9, 2014
#whyistayed b/c he never hit me and I didn't think verbal abuse and emotional manipulation was considered an abusive relationship.
— Kaman (@hellokaman) September 9, 2014
After #WhyIStayed started trending, Twitter users also began to share stories about what eventually drove them to leave their partners under the hashtag #WhyILeft.
because i thought if i loved him enough he would stop being abusive #whyistayed. because i knew he would kill me eventually #whyileft
— Allison O'Connor (@yurhuckleberry) September 9, 2014
I don't owe anyone an explanation as to #whyIstayed. But #whyIleft? He got drunk again, punched me in the face & put me through a wall.
— Lauren (@radicalorthodox) September 9, 2014
My son began to mimic his Dad. I realized I deserved better even if it meant being alone. #WhyILeft
— Kadinh13 (@Kadinh13) September 9, 2014
I've been where Janay Rice is. Judging her choices will only make it worse. The love and support of my family and friends is #WhyILeft
— Linda (@MuyLinda206) September 9, 2014
Approximately half of the victims of family violence in Canada are in a current or previous relationship with the accused, according to a Statistics Canada report released last year.
The majority of victims of family violence are females, StatsCan says, with females making up approximately 80 per cent of partner victims.
A separate report on violence against women found that women were the victims of intimate partner violence at a rate almost four times higher than that for men.
Both reports were based on police-reported data, which is different from self-reported victimization surveys like the General Social Survey (GSS) on Victimization, which is produced every five years.
In the latest GSS, it was estimated that two-thirds of all criminal victimizations were not reported to the police.
