"Couples' Retreat"

Richard's Review: 1 star

The guys from "Swingers" have finally grown up. Thirteen years after their break out hit Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau are teamed up again but this time around the zoot suits have been left in storage and the hipster lingo is a thing of the past.

In "Couples Retreat" the boys are old hipsters with wives, kids, martial dysfunction and a group of friends teetering on the cusp of major mid life crisis. They're no longer "money," to use the "Swingers" lingo, but they're in for some major change.

The story focuses on four couples Dave and Ronnie (Vince Vaughn and Malin Akerman), Shane and Trudy (Faizon Love and Kali Hawk), Jason and Cynthia (Jason Bateman and Kristen Bell), and Joey and Lucy (Jon Favreau and Kristin Davis) who go to an island resort called Eden West. This isn't Sandals or Hedonism, however, couples at Eden West are expected to follow a rigorous relationship building course, that is equal parts Tai Chi, couples therapy and Art of War, taught by Marcel (Jean Reno). Participation is not optional, and of course, each of the couples learns something new about themselves and their bond.

"Couples Retreat" annoyed me for many reasons. First off, when did it become okay for Hollywood to completely ignore the lowly apostrophe? The title should be "Couple's Retreat," but apparently no one at Universal (or Vaughn or Favreau) owns a copy of "The Elements of Style." Punctuation, however, is just the beginning of the problems with CT.

The movie starts promisingly. The cast is likeable enough -- Vaughn, Favreau, Jason Bateman, Faison Love, Malin Ackerman and the two Kristens, Davis and Bell -- and the opening half-an-hour pleases in a low-fi way. As a set up to the main action -- the trip to the Bora Bora -- we're treated to a mostly well written and interesting introduction to the characters. And Vaughn and Ackerman's youngest son is hilarious. As I say, it's mostly good stuff that sets up the relationship comedy that is to follow, except that once they hit the island at 40ish minute mark the movie slows to a slow grind. A grating slow grind.

What is it about comedies set on islands? Remember "Club Paradise"? "Club Dread"? Sunshine and sky blue water seem to be comedy killers. (Except for "Gilligan's Island" of course!) It's certainly the case here. The post island scenes are only intermittently amusing, slowed by therapy scenes that don't deliver big laughs and predictable relationship "development" that should be heartfelt but feels forced.

High points include Carlos Ponce as the randy yoga instructor Salvadore and the scenes with the kids that bookend the film. Low points include every minute the usually reliable Jean Reno is on screen and the beyond shameless product placement for Applebee's and Guitar Hero.

"Couples Retreat" feels like a movie of missed opportunities. It's not funny enough to be called a comedy and when the best relationship advice on offer is about finding the right person to take to Applebee's, it can't be called insightful either.

"The Brothers Bloom" DVD

Richard's Review: 3 stars

Director Rian Johnson's two feature films, the underrated "Brick" and "The Brothers Bloom," (in theatres this weekend) exist in the intersection of quirky and film noir.

"Brick" saw Joseph Gordon-Levitt play a high school loner with a knack for hard boiled dialogue: "I've got all five senses and I slept last night; that puts me six up against the lot of you," he says to a school yard bully, seemingly channeling Raymond Chandler.

"The Brothers Bloom" is just as idiosyncratic but more accessibly so. Starring Mark Ruffalo and Adrien Brody as the titular Blooms it's a story of deceit, love and finding the perfect con game.

The film begins with a bravura prologue detailing the rough and tumble upbringing of the orphan Bloom Brothers. Bounced from one foster home to the next -- one ex-guardian puts down "larceny" as the reason for sending the kids away -- they discover a talent for grifting. Cut to twenty years later. They are now seasoned con men. Steve (Ruffalo) loves the work and creates elaborate Dostoevsky-esque plots for their swindles. Bloom (Brody) is less involved. He looks up to his older brother but is having a crisis. He feels he has only ever lived life as a character in his brother's scams. He wants more -- he wants an unwritten life. The classic "let's get together for one last job" brings them in contact with Penelope Stamp (Rachel Weisz), an eccentric shut-in with lots of liquid assets, who will change their lives.

"The Brothers Bloom" is willfully anachronistic. That's a fancy way of saying quirky. The con artists seem to have stepped out of a 1930s crime movie, both in dress and behavior. The movie is set in modern day, but like "Brick," pays homage to the caper films of yesteryear.

The other characters are just as strange. Penelope is a chainsaw juggling femme fatale who lives alone in a giant New Jersey estate. Rinko Kikuchi is Bang Bang, a mostly mute demolitions expert. Robbie Coltrane plays The Curator, a man so mysterious the lights dim whenever he enters a room and Diamond Dog (Maximilian Schell) has a crystal dangling where his right eye should be. Oh, and did I mention that there's a camel who drinks whiskey?

The set-up and execution feel very artificial, but luckily, the characters transcend the script's quirks to bring the material alive. The first hour of its 109 minute running time is a wild ride, alive with humor, beautiful photography, interesting characters and many twists and turns. The last fifty minutes less so.

In its second half the story gets bogged down with too many cons and an unsatisfying pay-off. "The Brothers Bloom" is worth a look -- the acting is great and it looks beautiful -- but it feels more like an under developed Wes Anderson film than a fully realized Rian Johnson movie.

"Anvil: The Story of Anvil" DVD

Richard's Review: 4 stars

The easy description of "Anvil: The Story of Anvil" is to call it the real-life Spinal Tap. The story of the heaviest heavy metal band you've never heard of bears a strong resemblance to the legendary fictional band, but it is so much more than that. It is a story of passion, of trying to beat the odds, of friendship, of hope against hope. It's also quite funny and the music will peel the paint off theatre walls.

Steve "Lips" Kudlow and Robb Reiner met when they were just fourteen years old and have been making music together ever since. Now middle aged and road weary they have day jobs but haven't given up on their rock and roll dreams. The Toronto based band released one of the heaviest albums in metal history, 1982's Metal on Metal, which influenced a generation musicians including Metallica, Slayer and Anthrax, but unlike the bands they inspired Anvil's career never took flight.

Directed by former roadie (and now Hollywood screenwriter and director) Sacha Gervasi, it's a film that digs deeper than VH1's Behind the Music series to fully expose the life of a working band, but the thing that really separates Anvil from the rest of the music bio pack is the more universal story of people pursuing their personal passion in the face of ostensibly overwhelming odds. The persistence and indomitable spirit of Kudlow and Reiner turn them into unlikely heroes whether you're a metal fan or not.

Let's face it, heavy metal is ripe for parody but Gervasi takes pains not to patronize or poke fun at the band. He treats them respectfully and in doing so has made the best rock 'n roll documentary since "Metallica: Some Kind of Monster."

"Imagine That" DVD

Richard's Review: 1 1/2 stars

I find Eddie Murphy infuriating. It used to be that you could count on Eddie to raise a smile or two at the movies. I loved his silly giggle in "Beverly Hills Cop," his version of Greatest Love of All in "Coming to America," and the "My mother was like Clint Eastwood with a shoe..." routine from "Delirious" is one of the funniest monologues ever, but that was when Eddie and I were both much younger.

Now the prospect of a new Eddie Murphy movie is as welcome as a case of gingivitis. That makes me angry. He may be the biggest, most talented star in Hollywood who consistently makes the worst movies. Don't get me wrong, nobody hits a home run every time but Murphy's recent batting average is worse than most.

"Meet Dave," "The Adventures of Pluto Nash," "The Haunted Mansion" and "Norbit" are among the most annoying movies ever made. His latest, "Imagine That," doesn't plumb the depths of "Pluto Nash" or "Norbit," but is only a slight improvement on his recent output.

Murphy is Evan, a high powered investment banker; a smart guy who makes deals all day long at work, but a terrible father who has no idea how to deal with his adorable daughter Olivia (Yara Shahidi) or ex wife Trish (Nicole Ari Parker). When a new employee at work with the unlikely name of Johnny White Feather (Thomas Haden Church) threatens his top dog status Evan turns to an unorthodox method of predicting the stock market -- his daughter's imaginary friends. With the aid of her security -- or should that be securities -- blanket he gets hot tips that get him noticed by the upper brass who are looking for someone to take over the company's west coast division. Evan uses the time spent divining market fluctuations with his daughter and her imaginary friends to repair their broken relationship, but he's still all business. That is until he realizes what's really important in life.

"Imagine That" is a family fantasy movie that is more cute than actually funny. It's also more predictable than funny. In fact, it's a lot of things, but funny isn't really one of them. There are a few laughs sprinkled throughout, but they are few and far between and Thomas Haden Church as the politically incorrect but rather amusing character White Feather gets most of them. He speaks in faux Native-American lingo, a mix of spiritual mumbo jumbo and tossed off lines like "the white fire grid you call the internet." His early scenes are some of the film's highlights.

Murphy hands in a solid performance as Evan, solid but not terribly interesting. He has a couple of funny moments and one very cute pancake making scene but there isn't much going on here. He's better than this and it's disappointing to see him waste his talent on films that don't require him to do much more than show up and cash a pay cheque.

"Imagine That" is forgettable family entertainment that's better than "Norbit" and some other recent Murphy titles, but that isn't saying much. It's like being the sweetest lemon in the bushel; it still leaves a sour taste in your mouth.

"My Life in Ruins" DVD

Richard's Review: 1 doric column

Canadian born Nia Vardalos started 2002 as a struggling actress but finished the year with an Oscar nomination. She was the very definition of an overnight sensation. The low budget movie adaptation of her stage show "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" was the fifth highest grossing movie of the year and became the highest grossing romantic comedy in history.

Then came some missteps.

A sitcom based on the movie, which one writer dubbed My Big Fat Mistake, was cancelled after just a handful of episodes and an ill conceived (and unfunny) follow-up called "Connie and Carla" crashed and burned at the box office. And then nothing. For the last four years multi-plexes have been Vardaless zone, but that changes this weekend when her new film, "My Life in Ruins," takes her back to where it all began, the Greek Isles.

Vardalos plays Georgia, a neurotic Greek American tour guide who takes groups of, as she says, "obnoxious Americans, miserable married couples and old people" on day trips through Greece. She's unhappy, unsatisfied and unlikely to improve her love life while trotting through Greece with groups of elderly American day-trippers. That is until she meets Irv Gordon (Richard Dreyfuss) who gives her a lesson in how to have fun and points out that love may be closer than she thinks.

This has been a good year on film for the ancient world. "Angels & Demons" showed off some of Rome's most beautiful attractions, and now My Life in Ruins does the same thing for Greece. Good for tourism, maybe not as good for movie goers.

You know there's trouble when one of the lead character's names is Poopi Cacas and he has a nephew named Doodi Cacas. I'll tell you, the character Poopi Cacas isn't the only thing about this movie that is poopi cacas. A sitcom script that tries in vain to mix comedy with heartwarming doesn't do anyone any favors, the actors or the audience.

Not once, but twice a character says to Vardalos, "You're not funny. Stop trying." If only she had taken that advice. She is likeable, and that gives the movie whatever warmth it has, but her broad comic style is better suited to the stage than the screen. Blown up to feature size her performance is revealed to be made up entirely of rolling eyes and quirky facial expressions. It's like British pantomime with a Hellenic twist.

No one really survives the film with their dignity intact. Richard Dreyfuss, once the star of classics like "Jaws" and "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" is firmly entrenched in the "old coot" phase of his career, and one has to wonder if things had worked out for Rachel Dratch on "30 Rock" if she would ever even have considered reading this script, let alone sign on to play an unfunny stereotype.

It would be easy (and snarky) to say that "My Life in Ruins" should have been titled My Career in Ruins, but you never know, this could catch on with the same audience that made "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" a hit, but if you do go, go for the scenery and not the comedy.