As the wife of a police officer, Christine Russell lived in fear of the moment someone would knock on her door with tragic news.
The widow of Sgt. Ryan Russell was late for work and fighting snow-covered roads when that tragic news came, according to a letter published on Saturday.
In the letter printed in the Toronto Police Association's magazine, Tour of Duty, Christine Russell recounted the nightmare of Jan. 12, when her husband was stuck and killed by a snow plow while in the line of duty.
"When you think about the ‘day' it happens, you get this visualization of sorrowful police officers knocking on your door to break your heart and deliver the tragic news. Unfortunately it was not that Hollywood moment, it was much worse," Russell wrote in the letter.
Russell said she learned of the tragedy shortly after dropping off son Nolan at daycare. She had just called her husband and left a light-hearted message complaining about the road conditions.
An officer, a friend of her husband, called her back and asked where she was.
"I knew from that moment ... I don't know how or why, but I just knew," she wrote.
Russell said she turned around and drove to St. Michael's Hospital, where her husband had been taken, fighting back tears the entire way. She finally broke down one block from her destination, and met an officer who escorted her the rest of the way.
"The sergeant who drove me one block to St. Mike's could not look into my eyes," she wrote. "I asked him if Ryan was ok. He kept his eyes forward while the tears poured down his face. I knew it was fatal."
According to Russell's letter, she agreed to donate Ryan's eyes, the only part of him that could be salvaged. She wasn't allowed to touch her husband's body. It was evidence in a homicide investigation.
In the following days, Russell says she received constant support from the Toronto Police Association, the Toronto Police Service and the public. She was thankful for the help as plans for visitations and a public funeral were being made.
"All of Ryan's courage and bravery jumped into my soul and helped me get through the next week," she wrote. "The visitation was overwhelming but I insisted on greeting every single person who wished to offer their sympathy, or gratitude, or last respects. I did it all for Ryan.
"On the morning of Ryan's funeral service, I was able to hold his hand one last time and kiss him goodbye. I told him I would make him proud and raise our son to be just like him."
