After two years of limited social gatherings, many Canadians are having more frequent meetups with friends now that many COVID-19 restrictions have lifted. But one psychologist says it is important to understand your friendship style, as it may have changed since the pandemic began.
"With the pandemic… it was so horrible that now we deserve to decide what we want in our relationships and our friendships," clinical psychologist Anna Maria Tosco told CTV's Your Morning on Wednesday. "Why not start by understanding what your style is, and then improve and increase the quality of your friendships?"
According to Tosco, there are three types of friendships styles: secure, anxious and avoidant.
Someone who has a secure style of friendship is typically comfortable with engaging in close friendships, Tosco said.
"So essentially, it's the person who is able to get into the emotions, who's able to get down into the profound stuff, and is not afraid when things get tough, they're not going to avoid," Tosco said. "They don't put pressure on you unnecessarily and they don't run away when times get tough."
The anxious friendship style is characterized by desiring closeness, but being "afraid that something's going to go wrong," according to Tosco.
"They're the people who, in conflict, kind of do … too frequent communication," Tosco said. "And so what happens there in their friendships is that they cause people to unfortunately back away, which is so unfortunate because they want that closeness."
On the other end of the spectrum, she says, is the avoidant style of friendship.
"With the avoidant, what happens there is they're not comfortable with the closeness, so they would rather stay at a distance. They would rather be self-reliant and more independent," Tosco explained.
In conflict situations, these are the people who are more likely to "ghost" on their friends, according to Tosco.
"What happens in their friendships, essentially, people are often angry with them. They're frustrated. They feel like they can't trust. They feel like this person is insensitive or cold, which is actually not true. This person is very sensitive, but they just feel it's safer to back away."
Tosco believes understanding these friendship styles can help people adjust and improve the quality of their connections.
"If you're with someone who's a little too avoidant for you, then maybe you invest a little less time. If you're with someone who's a bit too anxious for you and is a little bit too pushy and maybe insecure, it might be time to step away a little bit,” Tosco said.
Watch the full interview with Tosco on friendship styles at the top of this article.
