When kids don’t sleep, parents don’t either. Experts share tips for better family sleep

Many parents underestimate how much sleep their children actually need. (Westend61/Getty Images via CNN Newsource)

So how much sleep do kids really need? It’s more than many parents may think.

The U.S. National Sleep Foundation recommends 14 to 17 hours for newborns, 12 to 15 for infants, 11 to 14 for toddlers, 10 to 13 for preschoolers and 9 to 11 for school-age children.

Yet 44 per cent of American children do not consistently get the recommended amount of sleep for their age, with younger children more likely to fall short, according to a new National Sleep Foundation poll.

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“We don’t live in isolation, we don’t sleep in isolation — as much as it is an independent behavior it is also something that happens within a social context,” said Dr. Joseph Dzierzewski, senior vice-president of research and scientific affairs at the National Sleep Foundation.

It’s vitally important for your current and future health: Not only does sleep in your early years set the stage for mental and physical health, but it also creates the foundation for how you sleep later in life, Dzierzewski added.

The poll surveyed 977 caregivers of children 13 and younger, including 53 per cent biological mothers and 33 per cent biological fathers, with the remaining participants including stepparents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. The online questionnaire was offered in both Spanish and English and took place September 12 to October 5.

The study supports what pediatric sleep doctors have been saying for a long time, said Dr. Laura Sterni, director of the Johns Hopkins Pediatric Sleep Center and associate professor of pediatrics at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine. She was not involved in the study.

• 2019 Canadian Health Survey on Children and Youth

Poor sleep affects everyone

Ninety-five percent of all caregivers agreed that good sleep is essential to overall family function, and nearly 80 per cent said their own sleep suffers when their child sleeps poorly, the poll found.

Parents also tied sleep to how kids function during the day: Sixty-nine percent said poor sleep hurts their child’s mood and daytime performance, while 86 per cent said a good night’s sleep improves mood and behavior.

Dzierzewski said most parents recognize the downsides of lost sleep — and that it’s encouraging that so many also see the benefits of when kids sleep well, reinforcing how important sleep is to family well-being.

What’s our problem with sleep?

The problem is threefold: First, while parents think a lot about their children’s sleep, their kids aren’t getting enough of it; second, parents underestimate how much shut-eye their children need; and third, the family isn’t discussing sleep.

The poll found that 74 per cent of caregivers think about their kids sleeping daily. In fact, that group spent more than two hours a day on average thinking about slumber, Dzierzewski said, which affects parents’ mental load. Some 61 per cent of the parents said they would even be willing to pay — US$71 on average — for their kids to have a good night’s rest.

That stress could be tied to uncertainty about what “enough sleep” looks like for babies — especially in the earliest months. Some 78 per cent of parents with kids between 0 and 3 months old underestimated their children’s sleep needs. That percentage drops to 68 per cent for parents of children between 4 and 11 months old. Oftentimes, parents fall below recommendations by more than an hour.

Lastly, while sleep is a priority for many caregivers, they are not having regular conversations with their children about the importance of good sleep. Nearly half never or rarely talk about the subject, according to the report.

These discussions don’t have to be complicated: They can be simple, positive and focus on what the kids care about — such as helping their bodies grow, getting strong, helping their brains learn and mood stay steady.

Frame sleep like other daily health habits such as brushing teeth and focusing on benefits kids can see, such as feeling and performing better, Sterni suggested. If you are running into challenges with approaching the conversation, she recommends talking with pediatricians and sleep doctors if necessary.

Napping is not your enemy

Naps can be a key part of children’s total sleep, especially for younger kids, the poll found. About two-thirds of children nap regularly, including 93 per cent of those under 1 and 92 per cent of 1- to 2-year-olds. Napping drops with age to 47 per cent of preschoolers (ages 3 to 5) and 28 per cent of school-age children (6 to 13).

Among kids who nap, parents reported an average of a little more than two hours and 15 minutes of total nap time per day. For older children, napping may reflect individual sleep needs, efforts to make up for shorter nighttime sleep or structured rest periods in after-school programs.

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Sterni cautioned against skipping naps in hopes of improving nighttime sleep. For young kids, “sometimes people skip napping, hoping kids will sleep better, but that doesn’t work,” she said. It can backfire, resulting in kids being cranky by bedtime. Even a short nap can boost total sleep without throwing off the overall schedule, she added.

Building healthy sleep hygiene

Routine and consistency are key, Dzierzewski said, starting with a regular bedtime and a predictable bedtime routine — not just a lights-out time. “Have that consistent bedtime, those schedules, but not just the bedtime, the bedtime routine,” he said.

The goal is to cue children that sleep is coming with a calm bedtime routine. “It should be relaxing. It should be a wind-down.” He suggested dimming the lights, closing the blinds and reading stories. For younger children, parents can narrate the steps out loud to signal what’s coming: “Now we’re going to start to prepare for bed,” so it becomes something that everyone can expect and can enjoy.

“Prioritize sleep” for the whole family, Sterni said. Before bed, use a wind-down period to remove exciting electronics, she said. Try quieter activities such as reading, mellow music, drawing or journaling in a darkened room.

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Also exercise earlier in the day rather than right before bed, keeping as regular a sleep schedule as possible, including on weekends, and getting light exposure in the morning. “People should expose their eyes to light,” she said, to help regulate the body’s circadian rhythm and signal it’s time to wake up.

Ultimately, both Dzierzewski and Sterni said the most important step may be what caregivers do themselves. Children learn sleep habits at home.

“Kids are always watching us,” Dzierzewski said. If we respect and prioritize sleep, our kids can see that, and they will want to emulate us, he added.

By Lily Hautau, CNN