Katy Perry and Justin Trudeau are ‘officially dating,’ everyone has decided

Katy Perry and Justin Trudeau. (Getty Images via CNN Newsource)

For months, the sightings have been murky and long-distance in nature, more worthy of Arctic nature photography than gossip pages. In July, they were seen walking a dog and then dining at a restaurant in Montreal. And then, a confusing silence, as the — were they, even? — new couple retreated into a summer hibernation.

It was not until September that a California whale-watching trip got the biggest nautical sighting of all, when a passenger snapped an entwined romantic duo atop a yacht from a distance.

When enhanced, the photographer recognized former Canadian prime minister Justin Trudeau by his thorny Indigenous tattoo, though apparently did not recognize the incredibly famous pop star Katy Perry by the fact that they were canoodling on her quite tasteful motor yacht, the 78-foot Caravelle.

They were, it seemed, a something.

It has been a very strange year for both. Trudeau announced he would resign in January, leaving Canada to conduct its ongoing conflict with America without him; he was replaced in April.

That was the same month that Perry resigned the planet, taking a strangely disastrous celebrity trip into the earth’s thermosphere. She, Gayle King and the then Bezos-bride-to-be Lauren Sánchez took Bezos’ Blue Origin rocket into the very nearest edge of space.

For some difficult-to-define reason, this trip made Perry a laughingstock. Was it the cringe moment of her kissing the ground upon return? Was it the dated all-woman-crew girl-boss vibes of the trip? Was it that they essentially lit a bunch of money on fire for no good purpose, while it felt like the world was already burning? Or were these ill vibes personal to Perry — some nefarious Orlando Bloom-led negative PR campaign? For, we would soon learn, Perry was separating from her fiancé, old Legolas himself.

Whatever the reason, she went overnight from “pop royalty to America’s favorite punch line.”

It has only been her slow defection northward romantically that has kept her brand out of deep crisis. Trudeau has made her the butt of a kinder sort of joke: “Katy Perry Releases New Single About Superiority Of Canadian Manufacturing,” ribbed The Onion. This trade war of the heart is paying dividends.

They are, now, officially out of the closet, and we know because Pop Crave says so: “Katy Perry & Justin Trudeau are officially dating,” the gossip account of record posted over the weekend.

And here she is, triumphantly on the front page of all the best English tabloids. It was her birthday on Saturday. She threw a big party at the Crazy Horse cabaret in Paris. She and Trudeau not only held hands but also apparently left the party together. They honestly looked great.