Pride is often celebrated as a time of joy and community, but for those who are isolated or unsupported, it can be a source of pain. Dr. Samra Zafar, who has worked extensively with the LGBTQ2S+ youth, parents and patients, joined CTV Morning Live Edmonton with advice. This transcript has been edited for length and clarity. Cory Edel: What advice do you have for someone who feels left out of Pride not by choice, but because of an unsafe home environment or personal trauma? Dr. Samra Zafar:. There are many, many people out there, especially young people that I work with, who are experiencing a lot of marginalization and ostracization. There are people who are fleeing their countries and coming to Canada as refugees because of torture they faced due to their sexual orientation or their gender identity, and these are really serious issues. It could stir up a lot of feelings of historical experiences, of trauma, of family dynamics and it brings up this anger. It’s really important to be compassionate to yourself and understand not everybody’s experience is the same. We get into a comparison mindset oftentimes like, “Everybody else is having fun and celebrating. Why am I feeling sad?” Personally for me, Mother’s Day is very bittersweet because I don’t have a great relationship with my mom and when I see everybody celebrating, it can stir up difficult feelings. It’s important to be compassionate and validate your own personal experience, and acknowledge your emotions by either journaling or talking to a trusted friend or a therapist. Seek that help if you need it. Cory: Can you speak to how Pride events can support mental health and what makes those connections so powerful in reducing isolation and increasing resilience? Dr. Zafar: I think we focus a lot on celebration, which is amazing. It’s also important to recognize that mental health challenges affect the LGBTQ2S+ communities in very, very disproportionate ways. They experience a lot more depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation. For instance, sexual minority Canadians are approximately 25 percent more likely to contemplate suicide. These are not just anecdotal things. This is driven by research and data. It’s really important to have these conversations to de-stigmatize mental health, encourage community members to seek support and really pay attention to how other people are feeling and check in. Checking in is not just saying, “Hey, how are you doing? Are you enjoying the celebration?” Checking in means sitting down with them and saying, “How are you doing? I really want to know.” Asking them how they want to be supported. Cory: What’s one thing allies can do this month to actually make a difference? Dr. Zafar: Allyship is a journey. It’s not a destination. It’s not like you get up one day and say, “I’m going to be an ally to this group,” and you get on your soapbox and you start speaking on behalf of someone. Allyship is about amplifying their voices. Allyship is about educating ourselves like, “What is the right way I can show up?” It’s not about solving and fixing things. It’s about showing up in solidarity. It’s about being there for somebody. One thing you can do is first educate yourself. What are some of your blind spots? What are some of your unconscious biases? I am a mother to two queer daughters. I grew up with intense homophobia and patriarchy in my environment and in my childhood. If I can be on that journey to be a parent that my daughters deserve and should have, then anyone can. That is my message to allies. You’re going to make mistakes, you’re going to do things and say things you’re not proud of and make yourself cringe later on. But it’s all about being compassionate to yourself, showing up repeatedly, and educating yourself. Be on that journey and when you know better, do better.
