The importance of teaching your children manners: Etiquette expert

Etiquette expert, Jeannie Vaage discusses the importance of teaching children manners to build confidence and avoid embarrassing situations in public settings.

Teaching your kids manners can help build their confidence and potentially avoid some embarrassing situations. Etiquette expert Jeannie Vaage joined CTV Morning Live’s Kim Wynn for advice on encouraging good behavior.

This transcript has been edited for length and clarity.

Kimberly Wynn: First of all, let’s talk about families going out for dinner and eating out at lunch. Do you have any tips to teach kids how to conduct themselves when we’re at a restaurant out in public?

Jeannie Vaage: Yes, I do. The first thing you do when you take your children anywhere is before you get out of the car, you don’t read them the riot act, you tell them some of the things that are expected of them. We like to set our children up for success. After we get out of the restaurant and they’ve embarrassed you and they’ve had their moment, giving them heck afterwards is too late. Set them up for success, so that as soon as they walk in the restaurant, it’s fresh, and they know what to do.

Make sure when you ask the servers a question, don’t ever say, “Can I have? Do you want to? Do I?” It’s always, “May I have a glass of water? May I have the soup, please?” All of this is also practiced before at home. I know it sounds funny, but we practice so many things with our children. And yet, when we take them to a restaurant, we throw them to the wolves and then we wonder why our children don’t know what to do.

They don’t know what to do because they don’t know what to do, and the only way to build confidence in anybody is knowledge. What do you expect from your child? To sit there and be kind and nice to the server, don’t interrupt, all those little things. Just take a really good look at yourself and take your children, find out what they’re doing wrong, make some notes and have a little practice beforehand. Set our kids up for success, not so they can get a lashing out after they’ve messed up.

And no running around. Some of these restaurants, these parents think that they can let their kids do whatever, but it’s dangerous. The servers absolutely hate it. They’re walking around with a couple plates, and we all know how difficult that must be, and then some little child is running around. Just don’t take them.

Kim: So practicing at home is a huge thing for you, even going as far as to say, “Don’t sit down before the cook has sat down.” This is a rule you enforce in your own house?

Jeannie: Absolutely. No one starts eating before someone says, “Go ahead.” I learned this from my own children. I have 4 kids, and they have lots of kids over – like 8 kids over – for lunch. I want to sit down with them, and so they wait until I come and sit down, even when there are friends. I remember, one friend reached for a bun, and my son said, “Don’t start before my mom sits down.” And the fear on my son’s face had me thinking, “Oh my gosh. What have I done?” But Tommy understood, he learned.

Kim: What’s your opinion on screen time at the dinner table?

Jeannie: Absolutely none. I’ve talked to parents, and I’m telling them about how great their children were doing and even the parent is looking at their screen as they’re talking to me. I have the courage to say, “Would you mind putting your phone away while I speak to you?” Even going to the mall. When you go somewhere, take half of the time to watch people. They learn a lot by watching other people, and then after they’ve done that, then they can pull out their device.