The very best part of long-term travel, including the six-month European travelling adventure that we are on, is that it has allowed us to spend a lot of time more together with our kids.
It’s also been the hardest part.
This trip so far has already had some terrific moments we’ll remember for years, like watching geysers explode in Iceland, seeing the Eiffel Tower up close, and swimming with fish in the Mediterranean. But after more than a month with each other 24 hours a day with no breaks at all, I’d be lying if I said we haven’t started to wear on each other’s nerves. And just as our children have tested our patience over and over I’m sure they’d be glad to be free of us for a little while too.
So how do you get through long journeys with family without constant bickering? Here’s a little of what we’ve learned so far.
Give the kids a bit of what they want
When we told our 10-year-old of our plans to sell the house to travel, she was not pleased. Ok, not going to sugarcoat it: she was very displeased and there was a lot of crying and “I hate yous.”
We tried to assure her she was going to have a fabulous time, but when that failed, we resorted to the secret weapon every parent keeps in their backpocket: bribery. We promised her if she agreed to come on the trip, we’d take her to Disneyland Paris.
Would my husband and I ever have willingly gone to Disneyland on our own? Mon dieu, pas du tout. We would have much rather spent time sipping Sauvignon in Paris proper than wandering from ride to ride. But we decided that in order to avoid a full-on mutiny from the kids, we would make a few sacrifices for their sake.
That’s also one of the most commonly heard bits of advice that experienced family travellers offer for making big trips work: let everyone have a voice in the planning. Have each family member pick a few of the sights they really want to see, or activities they want to do. Ask the kids to go online with you to help choose accommodations. Decide together as a family what your budget can afford and what you’re willing to scrimp on.
That’s what we did for France, and yes, the 10-year-old had a grand time at Disneyland. She might even tell you it’s been the highlight of her trip so far. So for now, all is quiet on the mutiny front.
Expect all the usual parenting headaches
The kids have already learned so many unexpected little skills on this trip that make us proud: how to get through security checks at airports without a fuss; how to operate toilets that don’t look anything like the ones at home; how to look right instead of left when crossing streets where everyone is driving on the “wrong” side of the road.
But what have they not learned? How to keep their socks organized, or how not to leave wet towels on the floor, or how to take a bath without turning the bathroom into a flood zone.
All those things drive us crazy at home, and guess what? They’re still driving us crazy here. It doesn’t matter that we’re on the road; the everyday parenting headaches have come along for the ride. The kids still fight over silly things like who gets to sit next to the window, or who’s done more chores for the week, and we still have to nag and cajole them to do their school work and turn out the lights at bedtime.
There’s no vacation from parenting on long-term travels; there’s just more of it.
The key to sanity is time alone
Travelling with kids means there are no breaks. No eight hours away at the office, no time at the gym, no play dates. We are on parenting duty all day, every day. So to make it work, we have to give each other breaks. My husband and I take time for ourselves each morning by doing some exercise: my husband power walks for an hour one day, I go for a run the next.
Since the kids too can get on each other’s nerves, they also need regular breaks from each other. So we often split up into groups for the afternoon, with one parent taking one kid to the library or a coffee shop to work on schoolwork, and the other heading out with the other for a walk or a trip into town for supplies. The kids together can sometimes be a nightmare of squabbling or irritating tomfoolery, but split them up for one-on-one time with mommy or daddy and they transform into little darlings.
Slow down
Before children, travel for most parents meant sleeping in late, then hitting the museums and historical sights, before heading out for a late dinner and a stroll around town. With children, it’s an achievement to get to even one thing on your must-see list for the day.
If kids slow the pace of travel on short trips, they slow it even further on longer journeys. And that’s okay.
Slow travel tends to be more satisfying. On most of the days of this journey so far we haven’t gone sightseeing at all. We’ve stayed in, caught up on reading or schoolwork, done some laundry, tidied the kitchen – the kinds of things parents typically do a weekend. There’s no rushing from sight to sight and there’s definitely no late-night dinner and drinks.
Our kids, and probably most kids, prefer a quiet pace. As long as their day consists of a bit of exercise and fresh air, a bit of quiet time in their rooms, and a bit of time to be in touch with friends at home, they’re happy. They don’t need to “see it all” in each country, and it’s a good reminder of why “slow travel” is more satisfying than 15-countries-in-10-days kind of travel.
Never doubt the power of a soccer ball
A soccer ball might seem like a simple object but it’s a remarkably powerful little tool. Bring a soccer ball into a rural area in Latin America, Africa -- anywhere, really -- and you and your kids will soon find yourselves the most popular family on the street. Family travellers learn pretty quickly that the game of soccer/football transcends nationalities and language barriers, providing a simple way to break the ice with local kids.
It’s also a great way for kids to burn off energy pent up from too many hours spent on trains or in museums. We were lucky enough to find an abandoned soccer ball in the courtyard of the apartment we rented in Reykjavik, Iceland, and kicking around that semi-deflated thing on a tiny patch of astroturf was often one of the top highlights of our kids’ day. And it cost us nothing.
Check back on CTVNews.ca, where I’ll be sharing my experiences regularly on Dream Big Wednesdays.
