‘Grief doesn’t go away’: A mother’s journey through loss and grief

27 years after losing her infant son, Tania Chomyk says the pain of grief never truly disappears, but it can transform.

Warning: This story deals with themes around infant death and grieving.

Twenty-seven years after losing her infant son to Sudden Unexplained Death Syndrome (SIDS), Tania Chomyk says the pain of grief never truly disappears, but it can transform.

Her son, Danylo, was six months old when he died in his sleep in 1998. The cause was linked to an underlying heart rhythm abnormality.

“It was a very shattering moment … a kind of moment that just steals your breath away,” Chomyk said in an interview with CTV Your Morning on Friday. “It’s something that caught me completely off guard.”

Now a life transition expert and grief educator, Chomyk has years of experience in education and mental health leadership, helping people deal with grief, or supporting those who carry it.

“Grief is universal, and it’s also very personal, and there is no timeline,” she said. “Grief doesn’t go away. It just transforms into something else.”

Chomyk says in her upcoming book, “Bringing Light to Loss: Redefining Grief to Reclaim Hope and Meaning,” she offers practical advice on dealing with grief and getting the strength to rebuild your life.

“There’s all kinds of stages of grief that one is going to go through, and they come back, and it changes over time,” she said.

What to do and what not to do

Chomyk says in the immediate aftermath of someone’s loss, it’s important to avoid comments like:

• “If you need me, let me know”
• “They’re in a better place now”
• “This was all part of God’s plan”

“When you’re going through acute grief, those are not the things that you want to hear, but in time, you’ll appreciate the significance of what they mean,” she said. “Time, they say, heals all wounds, but it’s what you do with that time and how you continue to carry forward with it.”

Instead, she says there are small gestures we can do to support grieving people, like:

• Saying simple honest words, “I’m not sure what to say but I’m here for you”
• Spending personal time with them and ask what would make them feel good
• Sharing stories of their loved one who passed
• Helping out with errands

With files from CTV Your Morning