Back-to-school tips: What students and parents should do to prepare

Avalynn Kwok, 4, holds her dad Manny Kwok's hand on her first day of kindergarten in North Vancouver, B.C., on Sept. 9, 2021. (Darryl Dyck / The Canadian Press)

Though many kids and teens want the carefree days of summer to last longer, they will soon have to prepare for something they may dread: returning to school.

Without adequate preparation, the back-to-school ritual can become a major source of stress for everyone, says Alyson Schafer, a family counsellor and parenting expert in Kingston, Ont.

"That drives everybody insane because we want to hold on to the last lingering days of the summer before we think about the responsibilities that come in the fall and we end up compounding our stress," Schafer said in a video interview with CTVNews.ca on Monday.

Back-to-school anxiety can strike as September inches closer. To help students and parents get the school year off to a good start, Schafer and another parenting expert shared their top advice with CTVNews.ca.

Start preparing in August

Kids can still have their fun during the waning days of summer, but planning and preparation are important before going back to school.

"I think the most important thing is to think about using August as a transition time for some of just the basics," Schafer said.

Adjust sleep routines

Schafer recommends children and teens begin sleeping at the appropriate times at least a week before school starts so they will get used to waking up at regular hours.

Lisa Sheinin, a child psychiatrist in Toronto, agrees, adding that youth need physical exercise to help them sleep well and should develop a routine where they're not using technology just before bed.

Reduce use of technology

While many schools ban or restrict the use of smartphones, the few weeks before the first day of school is a good time to wean youth off technology if they've been allowed to use it more during the summer break, Sheinin said.

Get kids exercising, reading and doing activities that will help them in the new school year, she suggests.

Plan for what you need

Decide what supplies, clothes, course registrations, backpacks or anything else you need for the new school year, Schafer adds.

"It really depends on the age of the child," Schafer said. "But what we're trying to do is to be mindful that we don't want to experience the big 48- to 72-hour crunch time."

Don't panic if your checklist isn't done

Schafer reminds parents and students not to be so hard on themselves if they don't get everything done for the first day of school.

"You know, life is not going to fall apart if it's not absolutely perfect and smooth and just the way you want it for the first day," she said. "If you didn't get your binder, you can go out a couple of days later."

Help kids develop independence

Before September arrives, help children learn how to build skills and learn responsibilities. Teach them how to do tasks such as making or choosing breakfast and lunch, for instance.

"One idea that I think parents could really benefit from is to use this opportunity to help our children develop some independence in some of the things that they're going to be expected to do," Schafer said.

Teach kids about finances

Back to school can be a time of conflict if kids want the trendiest outfits or gear. To deal with disagreements about buying pricey items, teach them about the value of money.

Criticizing and scolding kids about their spending choices won't be helpful, Schafer said. Instead, discuss money matters with them by making a list of needs versus wants. Give your child a gift card or cash so they can't go over budget.

"I think these are teachable moments that don't need to be fights," Schafer explained. "I think they should be seen as a way of developing skills and helping our kids learn how to be good decision-makers and learn from their mistakes. So try to stay on the optimistic, positive side."

Parents can agree to spend extra money if their children contribute through babysitting or other paid jobs, or by doing extra chores around the house, she added.

How do you stop school anxiety?

Anxiety is a common part of the human experience and not necessarily a disorder, Schafer said.

"Certainly, back to school is going to be a time where anxieties are going to be on the rise," she said, noting, for example, children's fears about not knowing their way around their school or not knowing their teachers.

Experts say the key is not to run away from it.

Ease their fears by finding out the source of their anxieties, Schafer advised.

"See if they can put language behind it, because a lot of times it could be something that's solvable," she said.

If a child is afraid of using a public washroom, have a friend go with the child or rehearse going to the washroom, Schafer suggested.

To make the unfamiliar less scary, familiarize preschoolers and elementary school kids with their school day or read books about the first day of school. Wander around with them at the schoolyard before they start classes, review their schedules with them, or help them visualize what the first day is going to be like, Sheinin advises.

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Establishing rituals and having visual memories or objects that represent closeness or emotional contact with a loved one, such as a teddy bear, can be comforting. 

Take a picture on the first day of school in the same spot every year, Sheinin suggests as an example.

"So it's a good idea to help your child remember what it's like to be close to their family," Sheinin said. "Rituals are really important to humans because they ground us, they make us feel calm and they make us feel connected to our family."

Having those jitters about the unknown is normal, but if kids are highly anxious and refuse to go to school, you may need a professional to help them cope with their fears and emotions.

"It never helps to say, 'Calm down.' It never helps to say, 'That's silly or irrational,' or whatever," Schafer said. "We really have to work with it as the child's reality and get those strategies in place."

The 'happy, snappy goodbye'

The first day of school may be a challenge for parents with young kids who cling to them and refuse to go to school, Schafer said.

"So the 'happy, snappy goodbye' concept is that dropping a child off at school is a little bit like ripping a Band-Aid off. The slower you pull it – you go one hair at a time – you make pain and suffering (last) longer by hanging around the door, with the parent attempting to co-regulate and soothe that child."

Tell your child it will be a wonderful school with toys and dolls, and work with the teacher to get the child inside the classroom, such as by showing a puzzle or something to do.

"The shorter that transition time is the more the child starts focusing on their self-regulation and getting into the routine of the day," Schafer said.

It can take around three weeks to a month to get a child accustomed to the classroom environment, she said.