Becky Dingwell says she can’t remember a time when she didn’t have self-esteem issues.
It all came to a head when the East Coast-based writer was in Grade 12.
“The size of my thighs, the way my nose is shaped, even little things like the shape of my eyebrows would really start to bother me.”
Dingwell didn’t know it at the time, but she was suffering from body dysmorphic disorder.
“I remember really not even being able to hold a conversation with somebody because my mind was so preoccupied with what I thought they might be seeing when they looked at me,” Dingwell said in an interview with CTV Atlantic.
Simon Sherry, an associate professor at Dalhousie University’s department of psychology and neuroscience says, body dysmorphic disorder “involves an intense preoccupation with an imagined deficit in appearance.
“And this all comes together in a way for the individual, that results in a lot of distress.”
As she struggled with the disorder, Dingwell said that she experienced suicidal thoughts and had trouble functioning on a daily basis.
“I didn’t have any desire to go out, even for a walk or anything like that. I wanted to stay at home and basically do nothing.”
In hindsight, she would have liked to talk about her struggle back then.
“I wish I had somebody to talk to,” she said. At the time I really did not feel like I did. I felt that I wasn’t sick, that it was just something that was true about me that for some reason nobody else was being truthful about.”
It did “take me some time” to accept that she was “actually ill.”
“So it wasn’t really until after that, that I could move forward.”
Today, Dingwell says, more than anything, it’s important to have people in your life who are willing to listen.
Her partner, Alex Nunes, says loved ones who are trying to help someone struggling with mental illness can always suggest solutions, but ultimately the person in need is the only one who can truly take action.
“They have to be putting in the effort, all you can do is support it. you can’t fix it for them,” Nunes said.
Dingwell says she feels like a “totally different person from the way I was when I was 17, 18.
“Obviously, I still have things that I deal with on a regular basis. But I’m just trying to practice looking after myself, and realizing that I am worthy of having a happy life.”
During Bell Let’s Talk Day, Bell will donate 5 cents to various mental health initiatives for every text message, mobile call and long distance call made by Bell customers; every tweet and Instagram post using #BellLetsTalk; every view of the Bell Let’s Talk Day video on Facebook; and every use of the Bell Let’s talk geofilter on Snapchat.
CTV News is a division of Bell Canada.
With a report by CTV Atlantic
