‘What our kids really need is time to decompress’: Experts on the phenomenon of after-school meltdowns

The phenomenon of after-school meltdowns How to handle your kids after-school meltdowns, and why they happen in the first place.

Tania Johnson and Tammy Schamuhn, the founders of the Institute of Child Psychology, joined CTV Morning Live’s Kent Morrison on what you can do to help your kid with after-school stress.

This transcript has been edited for length and clarity.

Kent Morrison: When your kids come home from school today, there may be a meltdown coming, an emotional release that can come right when they enter the home. For advice on what's happening and why we care, how can we help navigate this after school meltdown? Why does this happen?

Tania Johnson: Meltdowns at any time are exhausting, not only for the kid, but also for the parents. So often we try and just extinguish it through punishing or trying to bribe our kids or turning a TV on. When we take a few steps back and go, “what's really happening here?” it helps us to parent from a more compassionate place. If we think about it, for our kids, I like to use the analogy of a “pressure cooker” from the time they wake up … to the time they come home. There's rules, there's expectations, there's pressures. They're having to figure out things like, “who am I going to play with at recess?” So we have all of these accumulating pressures throughout the day, and then, finally, they get home to their safe person, their safe place, where they don't have to act in any certain way, where they're loved unconditionally. What do we see? The lid comes off, pressure starts to come out. That's when we see those big emotional outbursts, physical outbursts, and some kiddos even withdraw right into themselves. So that's really what's happening for our children with those after school meltdowns.

Kent: Okay, so kind of like coming home from work, right? It's very similar. So Tammy, what can we do to help our kids?

Tammy Schamuhn: Let’s keep that work analogy. After you've had a long day at work, do you want to come home, and the second you walk in the door, your spouse is like, “you have to work some more?” Probably not. What our kids really need is time to decompress. So, no homework. Please do not push homework on them. Do not give them screens. This is actually going to add to the stress. Screens increase the stress hormone cortisol, so we don't want that. Give them something healthy to eat, get them moving, kick them outside. They need connection from you. Cuddle on the couch, read a book together. Some kids just need to be in the room quietly, especially if you have a really introverted child, they need quiet time away from their siblings, away from chores, away from everything. I think we want to think about turning down the noise a little bit. Young children will probably need movement, because they've been sitting at a desk all day. They need to get up, move their bodies, and get some fresh air. The last thing they need to do is sit and do homework or sit and do a task or do chores. We have to decrease the stimulation and turn back on those "feel good" chemicals in their body through play or outdoors time or just really good food, and then connection with the parent is going to be really important.

Kent: That makes a lot of sense. Tania, what happens if things go a little bit too far? When should we be concerned?

Tania: If those meltdowns are lasting for hours, if it's going on for months and months and months, usually we only see this at the beginning of school, after the honeymoon period is done. If we're still seeing that this is going on in February, March, April, and we're going, “hold on, this just doesn't feel like my kiddo.” That might be a good time to reach out and say, “we may need some extra help for them at this point.”

Kent: This helped clarify a lot for me. Just like when I come home from work, it's exactly the same. Tammy and Tania are the founders of the Institute of Child Psychology. They are also authors of a parenting handbook. You can learn more at the Instituteofchildpsychology.com.