‘I feel nothing right now and I want to hurt’: Humboldt Broncos asst. coach speaks out

Broncos’ assistant coach minutes behind team bus Chris Beaudry was behind the team’s bus when it collided with a semi-truck. CTV Edmonton’s David Ewasuk reports.

Chris Beaudry, an assistant coach for the Humboldt Broncos, knew there was little he could do when he saw the wreckage of the deadly bus crash Friday.

He was travelling in his own vehicle, about 20 minutes behind the bus when he came upon the devastation.

“When I first arrived, I felt a sense of calmness but also panic,” Beaudry told TSN.

“I wanted to do something even though I knew I wouldn't be allowed once I said who I was. When I was sitting in the firetruck, my first thought was families and people. I know there were loved ones lost just from looking at the scene.”

Beaudry said he feels “numbness,” and is focused on supporting the other survivors and the families laying their loved ones to rest.

“I feel nothing right now, and I want to hurt. I want to hurt so I can heal,” he said as his voice quivered.

Second fatal bus crash 

Beaudry opened up about his own past and spoke candidly about deadly collision he was involved in.

In 2011, he was the coach of the Naicam Vikings, a men’s senior hockey team, when they were involved in a crash that killed the two people in the other vehicle.

“We didn’t talk enough that time. We drank through it and that wasn’t the way to handle these types of situations,” he said, explaining he attended Alcoholics Anonymous to help him grieve and overcome his addiction.

“We need to be together when we can, for those who want to. Or for those who want that silent text, to get strength from that, we’re going to be there for them. It’s not just going to be today, tomorrow or next week; it is going to be months and years because we’re family.”

He said he feels a responsibility to the parents and vows to support them in any way he can.

“I've always viewed when a parent sends their kids to any team where they’re billeted, they put their trust that you're going to get their boy home at the end of the day or the year,” he explained.

He said he’ll continue reaching out to the families in person or on the phone, so they can grieve and heal together.

‘There’s still a job to be done’ 

The team’s head coach, Darcy Haugan, was one of 16 people killed in the crash.

Beaudry said he also feels a sense of responsibility to keep the team going.

“I want to get through the funerals, and then I want to get back to work. Because the Humboldt Broncos are going to move on, we’re going to be here tomorrow, in the fall and there’s still a job to be done and I want to start that,” he said.

Thirteen people were injured in the crash and Beaudry has been visiting the survivors in hospital, and sending them messages of strength.

“’I love you and you’re my brother.’ Every single guy has heard that from me, and they’re going to hear that from me every day I go up there.”

With files from TSN’s Ryan Rishaug