'I feel my life is nothing here': Palestinian-Canadian woman struggles as family remains trapped in Gaza war

First at Five: Heartache and Hope First at five we hear from a Palestinian-Canadian woman who has complex feelings about the ongoing war in Gaza.

As the war in Gaza escalates, Nabila Manna watches from her home with feelings of fear and helplessness. Her mother, siblings, and extended family are all in Gaza.

“My cousin, my sister's husband killed. My niece’s husband, same thing,” said Manna, pausing as she fought back tears. “Too many of my cousins have passed now.”

She recalls the moment the conflict became personal. A year ago, while visiting her family with her husband, Manna and her family were about to sit down for dinner when a rocket struck their neighbour's home.

“Pieces coming over and the smoke we can’t see each other. We ran out without a scarf, without shoes, without anything. It was very terrible that day. Everybody screaming. Nobody could help us because the house was full of smoke.”

She remained in Gaza for two months. She and her family reached out to the federal government for help, but she said no help was offered and she lived in constant fear.

“At night we can’t sleep from the rockets everywhere, bombing everywhere and we heard the people screaming. Even we would scream and run out [of the] house every time we heard rockets.”

She said during her time stuck in Gaza, finding food and water was difficult for her and her family and that has become worse, resulting in her feeling even more overwhelmed with emotion.

“They are eating from cans and it’s expired food. They don’t care because they need to feed their kids. A piece of tomato there is 58 shekel [which] is so much”

Despite being far from the conflict, just going about routine daily life is a struggle for Manna.

“I feel my life is nothing here. When I try to eat anything, I said no I shouldn’t eat because my family over there is hungry and doesn’t have food to eat,” said Manna tearfully.

Manna said she feels guilty being halfway across the world from her family. She said she wants to go back.

“I want to share the problem with my family. To see my family, to see who’s alive, who has died, and who doesn’t have something to save them. Especially mom. I want to help her.”

She said she does her best with sending money to her family but that has not helped their situation. Her family’s homes have been destroyed.

“They have already moved seven times place to place. Last week my brother and everybody they told them he has to move in the area but where do they go? They now live outside in a tent.”

Many of her relatives are sick and without any medication, including her mother, who is now blind in one eye.

“Most of them now have disease. Skin disease now and no treatment. Not any medicine. My mom she’s suffering from her eyes and from diabetes because no there's medicine to help her,” said Manna. “She suffers from pain every day. My mom, my brother, everybody there they are losing weight because they don’t have enough food to eat.”

For Manna the distance is unbearable, and the uncertainty even worse. She concedes every day is a battle between hope and despair.