Ottawa teen details final suicidal thoughts on blog
Published Monday, October 17, 2011 6:36PM EDT
The death of an Ottawa teen by suicide is once again focusing attention on the issues of youth depression and school bullying.
Jamie Hubley, the son of Allan Hubley, city councillor for Kanata-South, killed himself Friday after battling depression and taunts about being openly gay. He was 15.
Before he died, Hubley posted a farewell to his family and friends on his Tumblr feed, which he had dubbed, "You can't break… when you're already broken." He wrote that his personal pain was too much for him to bear and he didn't want to suffer any longer.
"Im tired of life really. Its so hard, Im sorry, I cant take it anymore," he wrote. "...Being sad is sad… I'v been like this for way to long (sic)."
He also referred to the "It Gets Better" campaign, which urges young people to stay strong as they struggle to come to terms with their sexual orientation and the acceptance of others. Hubley said he had trouble believing it would ever "get better."
"I dont want to wait 3 more years, this hurts too much. How do you even know It will get better? Its not."
In other happier posts, Hubley posted about his love of Lady Gaga, Katy Perry and the TV show Glee. But he also wrote of his depression and anger about being called a "fag" at school.
In a post from three weeks ago, Hubley wrote that he hated feeling like he was the only gay guy in his school, A.Y. Jackson Secondary School in Kanata.
"I hate being the only open gay guy in my school… It f***ing sucks, I really want to end it. Like all of it, I not getting better theres 3 more years of highschool left," he wrote.
He also said the medications he was taking weren't working, nor was the psychological therapy.
"Iv been on 4 different anti -depressants, none of them worked. I'v been depressed since january, How f***ing long is this going to last."
In a statement released Monday, Allan Hubley said his son was bullied for years at school, a factor that he believes contributed to Jamie's decision to take his own life.
In Grade 7, the boy was treated "very cruelly" because he favoured figure skating over hockey, while in high school, posters for a program he tried to create that would foster acceptance were torn down.
"Jamie asked a question no child should have to ask -- why do people say mean things to me?" Alan Hubley's statement read.
"He was called vicious names in the hallways, he thought it would never stop."
Gay rights advocate Jeremy Dias said gay youth often feel different from their peers, which can increase feelings of loneliness.
He said despite the name of the "It Gets Better" initiative, "things don't just magically get better. Things are made better. And Jamie said it so clearly in his messages, that he can't wait for things to just get better, that we as a community have to decide to make things better."
The Hubley family is the second prominent family in Ottawa to lose a teen to suicide in a year. Last November, 14-year-old Daron Richardson, daughter of Ottawa Senators assistant coach Luke Richardson, also killed herself after she too battled depression.
Each year in Canada, about 500 teenagers die from suicide. Studies have shown that more than 90 per cent of teens who try to take their life have a mental health problem such as depression, manic depression, schizophrenia, or substance abuse problems.
"Jamie is free of his pain now and there is a new angel," Allan Hubley said, "but we have paid too high a price."
With a report from CTV Ottawa's Ellen Mauro