From toys that scream, buzz, and sing, to toys that create a colossal mess, there are some holiday gifts that seem designed to push parents over the "I can't take this thing for one more minute" edge.
If you’re hoping to keep the peace with the parents of your holiday gift list, here are a few toys that might seem nice to you but that most parents would agree should never, not ever, be brought into their house. (Unless you loathe them, then by all means, go right ahead.)
1. Craft kits involving glitter or beads: Yes, kids of a certain age love small, sparkly things. But, as a rule, parents loathe small, sparkly things. The beads make a racket in the vacuum -- which is where most of them end up, and the glitter gets everywhere, tracked through the house by little kiddie socks. Sparkle on somewhere else, glitter lovers.
2. Finger paint: We know you want to help kids develop their inner Picassos and we’d like that too. But we also know that most of that paint is going to end up on the carpet, the kids’ clothes, and their little sisters’ faces. Yes the arts are important, but let the kids develop their love of primary colours during art class at school, where it’s someone else’s problem to clean it all up.
3. Kiddie makeup and nail polish: If you thought finger paints were messy, you’ve never had to scrub kiddie nail polish off broadloom. Makeup and nail polish aren’t just cleaning nightmares, they’re also loaded in political baggage. How young is too young to wear eyeliner? Should a five-year-old go out wearing lipstick? These are questions most parents would rather grapple with another day, so save them the trouble and back away from the makeup aisle.
4. Giant stuffed animals: Oh sure, the biggest teddy bear you ever did see will elicit a great gasp of glee from the children. It will also elicit a great gasp of horror from those kids’ parents. They won’t be thinking, “What a thoughtful gift!” They’ll be thinking, “Where in the world am I going to store that stupid thing?”
5. Drum kits: Never buy the child of someone you purport to love a drum kit. In fact, that probably goes for all musical instruments. If you insist on buying something that will develop a child’s love of music, get them a triangle. Maybe a rain stick. The autoharp is nice. Those are all instruments, you know, but more importantly, they’re quiet instruments.
6. Anything that involves goo: Yes, science kits involving goo, goop, sludge are super cool if you’re a kid of a certain age. But they’re super annoying to parents who are the ones who will find bits of the stuff under the kitchen table weeks later, covered in dog hair and cereal bits.
7. Anything involving a siren: Really, does this even need explaining?
8. Guns that shoot foam bullets: Buying weaponry of any kind for someone else’s child is already a risky proposition. Buying a toy gun that shoots out little things that hit the chandelier before flying behind the sofa, forever to be lost and rendering the gun useless, is just annoying. Unless you’re going to come over and find all those pieces, please consider something else.
9. A pet: Never -- not ever-ever -- buy a pet for a child unless that child’s parents have specifically asked you to. No one wants to suddenly become the caretaker of another mouth to feed. Because we all know that even if the pet belongs officially to the child, it’s the child’s parents who will be taking care of it.
10. Karaoke kit/ battery-powered microphone: Parents adore the sound of their children’s singing voices -- but not when it’s their 40th rendition of “Let It Go” in chipmunk mode and cranked up to ‘11.’ If you truly believe the kid’s got talent and needs to sing, buy them some studio time.
