Their names were always said together, so Steven Sabados is left figuring out who he is on his own, nine months after the death of Chris Hyndman, his partner of 27 years.

"It's this journey back to me. Who am I?" he told CTV’s Traci Melchor of etalk in an exclusive interview from his Toronto home. "Me sort of figuring out life on my own. And who is Steven? I don't know yet."

Hyndman, 49, died Aug. 3, his body found in a laneway beneath the balcony of the sixth-floor Toronto apartment he shared with Sabados. No cause of death was released and police did not investigate. His mother said at the time that she believes her son, who battled insomnia, died accidentally while sleepwalking.

Sabados did not directly address the circumstances of Hyndman’s death during the interview with Melchor, a close friend of the couple who named them godfathers of her two children. The interview will air in three parts, beginning Tuesday.

Sabados and Hyndman had been together since 1988, forging both a personal relationship and a business one. They launched an interior design firm in 1992 and appeared on several TV series over the years. They were appearing on CBC’s “Stephen and Chris” show at the time of Hyndman’s death, which was subsequently cancelled at Sabados’ request.

The two worked as a great team: Hyndman the exuberant jokester and Sabados the calm and pragmatic one.

Sabados says they met as “crazy kids” with big dreams.

“It just clicked and we started developing this world together.”

Sabados says he feels Hyndman’s presence as he makes day-to-day decisions, works on a new product line and finds courage to talk about his grief.

"I come home and say hello. And when I leave I say goodbye, and when I go to bed I say come on, let's go to bed. I talk to him every day. Every second," he said.

Sabados has returned to painting, a hobby he used to practise when he was upset. Now he calls it therapy and he’s producing “dark” and “moody” pieces with hidden messages.

He also takes solace in the messages of support and sympathy that continue to pour in. He reads each one. He wishes Hyndman could, too.

"He always said, ‘I want to be a positive person, I want to be a better person, I want to be a loved person.’ And he always was, but he never knew it to the extreme that he should have known.”

As anyone coping with the loss of a loved one will know, day-to-day life is an emotional roller coaster, says Sabados. Some days are OK, but others are too much to bear.

"At times... I just want to lock the doors, not talk to anyone, turn my phone off, and stay in bed. That's not going to help," he said.

"I think the most important thing, the most positive thing you can do is actually go through it," Steven says. "Everyone wants to force [the pain] down. You know, 'Don't think about it.' But just be in the moment. You have to be in the moment. It’s just going to come up anyway."