Remembering John Pinette: 5 of the best jokes from the late stand-up comedian
Comedian John Pinette speaks during the 2008 NASCAR Sprint Cup Series Awards Ceremony in New York, Friday, Dec. 5, 2008. (AP / Mary Altaffer)
Marlene Leung, CTVNews.ca
Published Monday, April 7, 2014 10:30AM EDT
Fans of stand-up comedy are honouring John Pinette's body of work, in the wake of his death this weekend at the age of 50.
While Pinette's most high-profile role may have been his stint as a carjacking victim in the series finale episode of "Seinfeld," he also had a long career on the stand-up circuit.
Pinette's self-deprecating sense of humour saw him frequently discussing his weight during his stand-up shows. Three of his stand-up specials "I say Nay Nay," "I'm Starvin!" and "Still Hungry" were released to DVD.
Here's a look at five of the best bits from Pinette's stand-up shows:
"I have gotten a trainer. I went to the gym and I saw him and he said 'Give me a sit up,' and I said 'Oh nay, nay.' I go 'I don't do ups: sit ups, push ups, pull ups. I do do downs. I will sit down, I will lay down. Give me a cheeseburger, I'll wolf that down. But no ups.'"
"Skinny people decide what they want at McDonald's… Now skinny people, I love you, we're all God's children. But the food situation, you piss me off. You browse, you pick….get out of the line! Get out, go over there and think! Skinny people decide what they want when they get to the front of the line… what were you doing in line, your tax returns? I knew what I wanted before I parked the car."
"Honesty is part of their culture, and they said (to me) 'You're a good boy, but you're a fat little kid. I don't want to frighten you, but if you're too fat, the angels won't be able to carry you to heaven.
"Actually, my dad's friend from Ireland gave me the best diet advice he ever had. 'I'm going to give you a diet, and it's going to work for you your whole life and it is… write it down, it's a good diet: Stop your eating! If you see it and it looks all sweet and tasty, well then keep walking cause you're a fat little boy.'"
"Vegetarians I completely understand, you have health issues with it, you have ethical issues, I completely understand. A vegetarian said to me, 'But I'm a vegan.' What is that? What is that?? … Vegans go to the store and they buy 50-pound bags of almonds and they make it into stuff they wish they could eat. They don't have a stove they have a Play-Doh fun factory."
"I was in Italy in June which I love. I'm in line in Naples for gelato. And the gelato in Naples is legendary Italian ice cream. It's not good like 'Oh I'll have another scoop.' It's good like, 'Well, I'll sell all my stuff, I'll move here and I'll eat gelato.' It's that good.
"In the Sistine Chapel, the angels are pointing to the gelato shop in Naples."